What the Hell Do You Do All Day?!

Been a bad blogger and lax in my posts to WordPress.
Mmmm if I continue to be bad do I get a spanking? Sorry. Wonder where that came from?

I lost part of a crown last night. No silly, not the Imperial Crown of Rachael Her Nocturnally Serene Mistress of Shadows.
This is a crown far more mundane; the recent replacement for the lone dental cavity of my life.
The blame lies in a Trader Joes Brazil nut. Do you think that this is a sign to eschew dried fruit and nuts as a meal staple? Neither do I.

Spent Sunday evening with my daughter, TK and his daughter at Club Terr. Had a fabulous meal courtesy of our host. The phrase ‘meal’ is an immediate indication that we had eaten outside our abode. If it were not for my close personal friend Trader Joe I’d be back to actually cooking with a stove and pots and pans. Am pretty sure I’ve got at least one left from the divorce.
The stove is a nice bit of decor in the kitchen, and is useful as a place to set the groceries after arriving home from Trader Joes. It does a bang-up job of just sitting there looking good.

Kind of like my sister. Say, I don’t think that the stove works either. Coincidence? I think not.

Am trying to figure out why I cannot ever get caught up on everything around here. So…….

For your edification and mine I present to you a
typical day in the life of

Her Nocturnally Serene Self the Ne’er Do Well Miss R

 

 

 

morning:

5:30 am: wake up and lay in bed thinking ‘ohfortheloveofchrist I’ve only slept –insert the number 2, 3, or 4 here– hours but now I’m awake for good.
5:45 am: Hear the coffee start to grind and brew
5:46 am: Slide Her Most Serene Ass out of bed, along with the rest of Her bad self, to brush teeth and one ¼ of a crown.
6:00 am: Hear daughter’s alarm go off. Hear muffled mumbling.
6:05 am: See daughter in hallway looking pissed off.
6:06 am: Hear daughter grumbling about being pissed off. Advise said progeny to have a cup of coffee and leave me alone until the homicidal mood passes. Suggest midnight as a good time to chat.
6:40: Screaming and throwing of unseen items commences as it is now 5 minutes until the school bus comes and the Not-So-Serene Princess attempts to locate papers and stuff the backpack with everything for school. Everything that she ignored taking care of for the 8 hours she was home after school the previous day.
6: 45 am: Tell the Not-So-Serene Princess to have a good day as she slams the front door and curses under her breath
6:46 am: Consider taking up drinking as a vocation.
7:00 am: Decide against Alcoholism as a career choice due to the poor pay. Opt for Xanax and coffee. Turn on desktop computer.
8:00 am: Peruse the useless crap from RenoTahoeJobs.com and Monster. Check email. Laugh at Email. Ignore Email. Delete Email. Re-consider alcoholism.
9:00 am: Devise agenda for the day. Have another cup of coffee.
9:15 am: Determine to finish every last thing on agenda today.
9:20 am: Talk with Lizzie Borden
10:00 am: Revise agenda for the day. Have another cup of coffee. Go through mail, check looming appointments, clean something.
11:30 am: Drag Royal Ass to the gym.

Afternoon:
In no particular order:

Shower
Return phone calls. Maybe.
Play ‘Bill roulette’ and pay a random debt
Run errands of which there are never a shortage
Daydream
Now where did I put that damned Xanax?
Play the piano for at least an hour
Obsessively clean the house for an hour. Every damned day. Note the modifier Obsessive.
Consider entering Daughter’s Room of the Damned and opt for Xanax instead.
Daydream
Wonder if I will ever hear back from SSI regarding my disability claim.
Contemplate writing a blog.

Evening:

5:00 pm: Ask Demon child if all homework is done. Standard reply ‘mostly’. What does this mean? Mostly NOT is my guess.
5:30 pm: make sure said Princess has actually consumed a healthy balanced dinner and is not attempting to pass off To-furkey as her vegetable choice.
6:30 pm: Threaten Princess with imprisonment in Tower if her chores are not completed. Reiterate British story of the Little Princes. In overtly graphic detail.
7:00 pm: Discuss day’s events with Princess and try not to stare or indicate dismay with the 14 coats of black eyeliner on her face.
8:00 pm: Contemplate writing blog.
9:00 pm: Watch a television program with Princess Demon Child. Depending on the day it could be Gilmore Girls, CSI, House or Numbers.
10:00 pm: Princess goes to bed.
10:01 pm: My day starts. Begin to compose blog.

 

Midnight:

time for a bowl of ice cream and a spell check on the blog.

Feel great and finally awake!

12:30 am: Court TV for disturbing Forensic Shows or National Geographic for disturbing shows involving mass tragedy.
12:45 am: Smile
1:00 am: possible phone call with TK
2:00 am: consider sleep but discount the notion as I’m not tired. Set timer on TV.
2:30 – 4:00: Fall asleep and dream of badgers with guns, on alternate nights I fight them off with spoons.
5:30 am: Goddamn it I wake up
REPEAT

Life appears so mundane when written out as a laundry list. Strangely it’s not. Between interpersonal dealings, the Princess, the lack of employment and oddly correlated lack of funding there is plenty of time to contemplate the darker side of existence. Which I do so exceptionally well doncha think?
You wonder why I write? No? Well I’m gonna lay it out anyway.
To relieve myself of the twists and turns which would push me over the edge. Farther over the edge.

It’s the diversions that make me laugh, smile and keep the straight edged razor blades on the top shelf. The unexpected and unplanned occurrences in life that make it worth living.
Spending the day with TK and his daughter and being awoken by miniature attorneys knocking against the siding of the house. Soaking in the Hot Spring at Markleeville, Seeing Chris again while picking out Cate’s glasses.
Finding the most amazing people in Reno is a balm; from Narcissistic Day Trader Skiing Guy who is a fuckall horrid musician, to EJ’s high school friend who I found charming, to TK who makes me laugh harder than anyone, to Rebecca and her steady stream of weirdly humorous or sexually explicit email attachments (which are sometimes one and the same), to Amanda who’s tales of teh single life rival only mine in darkly humorous detail, to all of the people on myspace that I’ve actually had the pleasure of meeting.
There are people here on myspace who have become good friends, not just an icon or a number. Cool isn’t it and perfect for a borderline recluse.

You never really know what a day will bring and this is why my schedule is flexible. It’s why these essays reveal the vacillating absolute highs and abyss-like lows in the Fiefdom of Rachael Her Nocturnally Serene Mistress of Shadows.

Never confuse Boredom with Serenity.
Never confuse a Badger sporting a gun with a Miniature Attorney pecking at the walls.
Don’t so much as consider entering a teenager’s room, but most importantly…

Never take yourself seriously.

I’ll hunt you down and call Guido from Detroit on your ass.
Or laugh in your face.

Guess you’ll have to take your chances on that one.

~ Her Nocturnally Serene Mistress of Shadows
Miss R

 

Currently listening:
Flesh + Blood
By: Roxy Music

3 thoughts on “What the Hell Do You Do All Day?!

  1. quit watching t.v. stream of consciousness is a boring form of writing. short paragraphs without foul language expand your vocabulary. explore yourself within not without. have integrity if possible most people are the commercials they watch. please dont be defensive.be creative instead.

    Like

  2. Ah, if only I did have time to watch t.v. and avail myself of the amusing bon mots that you are apparently capable of.
    I beg you to tell me where you found your doctor. I do believe that your humor-ectomy was a success!

    Like

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