15 good reasons to be single and NOT a teenager

I’m happy to no longer be among the teen crowd of vile evilness that constitutes Junior High School, or as it’s called in these here parts Middle School.

To wit:
My daughter was in tears when I arrived home this afternoon.
She’s in 8th Grade, an utter geek, and painfully self-conscious, defensive, fragile and emotional. You know, just like we were at that age.
Seems that the kid who sits next to her in Advanced Chemistry, Jeremy, talked with her during class. As an aside if you have a boy named Jeremy in 8th Grade Advanced Chemistry I’m going to find you and discuss Miss Manners prior to calling in the goon squad. Sorry. Got ahead of myself in the narrative.

So my daughter has a crush on this guy, and she’s delighted he’s speaking with her, asking her questions and paying attention to her.
By the next class period (they share many of the same classes) this Jeremy kid has made it apparent that his interest in Cate was an utter ruse. Seems his girlfriend had put him up to it. He and the girlfriend biatch then proceeded to say cruel, nasty and vicious things about Cate to each class and every person in them.

Each time my daughter entered another class the other kids were laughing and making comments about her choice of perfume, etc.

When Cate confronted the douchebag (really saying his name just gives him power correct?) his response was “why did you think I was interested. Who would ever like you?”

Children are evil. Most should be killed for the good of the state. Or their pelts.
Could only console my baby by sharing my own experiences along these lines;  letting her know she’s not alone. It gets better.

Doth it not sayeth in the Good Book of Rachael…
The Geek Shall Inherit The Earth.

So tonight I spoiled the Demon Seed and we drowned our sorrows in M&Ms, buttered popcorn and A Fish Called Wanda. No protein, veggies or fruit. It was a nice evening for us both. Friday night at home with your kids is a treat too.

My own day was stressful. Tinfoil Hat Client is making me berserk and I want the money back for my soul.
If the guy would leave me alone to finish his site all would be well even though the compensation is too low. When I took the job I thought it was better than a poke in the eye with a blunt stick. I am now begging for a blunt stick.  Twenty five emails in a period of 8 hours, constant phone messages about people reading our correspondence, etc etc etc.

tinfoil hat directions

After a few drinks ‘make mine a club soda and bitters barkeep’ and a xanax I got to thinking about last night’s Valentine Tirade.

I came to appreciate the good points of being single. I almost wrote sober. Heh, both actually.

Seeing how my poor kid’s day went, along with my own day’s clusterfuck of Client-From-Planet-X, broken vacuum,  nightmarish surreal trip to Wal-Mart where they had no vacuums actually IN STOCK, losing my phone,  very first AA sobriety chip (in my purse for 11+ years) and address book too… It just seems that yeah things could be worse. So I’m looking on the bright side of life.

15 Reasons It’s Great to Be Single

  1. I can spend my money on… myself! Damn it’s great not having to support another person. Exception: my daughter. This doesn’t count and it’s okay by me.
  2. Porn anytime I want!
  3. Meeting strange and exotic people. And not even considering killing them. After all, I can drink a cappuccino pretty speedily if need be.
  4. Staying up late blogging or reading with no whiny ‘goddammit turn off the light so I can sleep’.
  5. I can wander around the house in my cami and panties all damned day so neener neener. Conversely I can hit the gym or the slopes any time of day too.
  6. Cooking dinner is no longer a production unless I want it to be
  7. Eating an entire pint of Ben and Jerry’s with no snide comments or nasty looks coming my way. Self-indulgence without guilt is a beautiful thing
  8. The house is always clean! Exception: kid’s bedroom. This never counts
  9. The odds of staying healthy and avoiding obesity are far higher. A recent Cornell University study found that women generally gain five to eight pounds in the first few years of marriage and unhappily married women gain an average of 54 pounds in the first 10 years.You know what’s scary? I gained 50 pounds over the course of my first marriage which lasted… 10 years. It’s all long gone thank you very much.
  10. The TV remote is mine mine mine
  11. Flirting. What else can I say?!
  12. Dressing in short short SHORT skirts and FMPs. I could never get away with that while I was married and I love to do it.
  13. Not having to plaster a Dumbass rictus-like smile on your face at his family dinners
  14. I don’t have to hold in my burps
  15. Eating at Juicy’s Giant Hamburger instead of picking at a salad with low-fat dressing when eating out

Tomorrow night Love’s Proxy is playing at The Zephyr here in Reno, so get your butts out there and see them. Look for the smiling brunette in a short short skirt and FMPs. Say hi and have a beverage with us. I’ll be there with some friends having a good time and hell, we’re all single.

~Miss R

5 thoughts on “15 good reasons to be single and NOT a teenager

  1. Man… this really hit a nerve with me. Junior high was a rough time for me. I was getting a little older (and a lot taller – I was almost 6’3″ by 10th grade) and looking more like an adult in stature and had grown really sick and tired of how I allowed myself to be picked on – even hit – in the smaller grades. The thing was, I could totally have defended myself, but I was very aware of how I was almost always taller and bigger than everyone else and I really had a sense that if I fought back I could really hurt them and maybe get really hurt myself… so I just tried to forget about the name-calling and meanness the other kids do… … and when they see a “mark” – an easy target – they just do it more.

    So by the time I got to junior high I had all this fucking inner hostility about people that would try to start a fresh round of their old tricks… and actually got into several fights as a result of me dealing with that whole “I ain’t gonna take it anymore!” thing.

    While all that was going on, I was trying to find out how to express my true self as best I could and that didn’t work well with some of my teachers. I had a couple of girls I really liked but that didn’t pan out for me too well. That whole era of my life was just so painful and icky…

    …but you know what? In my experience and observation, the most golden people out there.. the ones I really care about getting to know… it turns out that they mostly tended to walk a very similar path in life. There’s something about catching the shit at an early age that makes for a more sensitive and aware sort of person later on in life.

    I guess what I’m trying to say is.. tell Cate to take heart! Tell her this crazy guy down in Las Vegas said don’t even sweat those assholes at school.. because one day, they’ll be working for you 😉

    -=- christopher

    my Las Vegas blog


  2. Although late to the game here, let me second what Christopher said. The most interesting people I know all were dweebs in school. At the 10 and 15 year reunions, all the “beautiful people” looked like crap, and were even more boring than they were as teenagers. A pleasant oddity was that I grew 2″ in college, and was suddenly taller than some of the dorks who gave me crap.

    HS was a completely forgetable time of my life. When I hear people talk about how great it was, or how they wish the could go back, I want to offer them my HS years instead. Tell Cate to ignore the dweebs as best as she can, and if she needs more motivation, she should consider that Bill Gates probably got his share of crap in school too.


  3. Spoken like a fellow geek. I’m gonna have to keep an eye on you -grin-

    High school sucked and I detested every moment of it. I told my daughter
    “Look sweetie, high school is NOT the best time in your life unless you’re a cretinous jock or well, just a cretin. I have contact with exactly zero of those people. I DO however still keep in contact with friends from college.”

    We can only hope right?
    Thanks! You’re a sweetie.


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