“I hate and despise the animal called Mankind but I like the occasional Tom, Dick, and Harry.”
I’ve been thinking a lot about humanity lately. In general that is.
Between the Demon Seed’s visit to The Home, exchanges with lumbering cretins during my last night out on the town, and past experience I have come to a conclusion.
Humanity cannot be fixed.
People as a species, are selfish, mean, petty and unwilling to change. Oh sure there are exceptions.
Me for instance.
Also the majority of my friends. Of which there are five. On a good day.
Religion says we’re all born with original sin. This is far closer to the truth of the matter than communism which insists we can all improve ourselves and become the best.
It is my expert opinion that both are bullshit.
|Webster’s defines Misanthropy as‘a hatred or distrust of humankind’.
Wikipedia defines Misanthropy as
‘whoa dude you guys all suck’.
In the famous words of Pliny the Middle Aged “Cogito ergo doleo!”
If your Latin is a bit rusty it translates to ‘I think therefore I am depressed.’
Are YOU a closet Misanthrope? I’ve devised a test. If you answer 8 of these 10 questions YES then you are probably a misanthrope. Or an alcoholic.
If you’re lucky you’ve hit the double jackpot on that one and should seek immediate intervention in a 12 Step Group. Or have a drink.
See if I care.
Got a pen and paper handy? Let’s roll and NO NICENESS!
1. I do not understand why solitary confinement to ‘the hole’ should be considered punishment.
2. Mark Twain was not really a misanthrope he just grew into a bitter old curmudgeonly bastard.
3. I plan to leave all of my money to my cat (or dog. if you’re truly crazy about ass-sniffing smelly sneaky walnut brains my ex-husband is single though) and absolutely none to charity.
4. People who applaud my creativity but do not UNDERSTAND the point should be beaten senseless. Not by me because that would indicate interacting with them. Guido in Detroit runs frequent specials.
5. Not only do I know who Ambrose Bierce is I wish I had disappeared into the damned Mexican jungles as well.
6. Political Correctness should be punishable by speedy Execution. No trial.
7. Being blunt but telling a simple truth loses friends but increases knowledge… and it’s worth it!
8. Obviously humankind is to be reviled. Even aliens hate us for godsake. Ever seen Independence Day, Alien or Invasion of the Body Snatchers? Duh.
9. When a ‘friend’ tells you they would prefer that you didn’t swear so much around their kids you say “Go fuck yourself.”
10. You understand that hating people is easy because there is no one else to hate
Well, it’s time to put a hot compress on my hand and find the vicodin.
May you have a solitary and joyous evening. Make yourself a great dinner. Put on some delicious porn.
Solitary confinement is a state of bliss.
Misanthropes of the world unite. We have nothing to lose but our minds.
artwork by Sandy Huffaker