What’s in YOUR Inbox?

So you think your life is filled with the odd, unusual and surreal?
Well let’s take a look at just a few emails I’ve received in the last 2 days.
For your reading enjoyment I have included the original text of the email and my response, including pertinent links.
You can’t make this shit up.

Bon appetit!

Nutbag Number One


A bit of background here: I have the remains of my old e-commerce site still online. Most of the mail I get is directed towards the Ouija section of the site and not the retail area but sometimes….

——Original Message——-

From: Raven Slaughter
Date: 5/16/2007 12:21:39 AM
To: blackraven@damnedgames.com
Subject: Ouija Board?

So, I’m on your website and put ‘Ouija Board’ in the search and get:
http://www.damnedgames.com/SearchResults.aspx

Why?
You suck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

_______________________________________________

Dear Ms. Slaughter,
First let me apologize for your inconvenience. The Search function on damnedgames.com no longer works.

Perhaps you did not read the enormous paragraph at the top of the website which states:
“After 10 Years We are calling it quits. As a matter of fact we are pretty much out of business”.

You must have also inadvertently missed the graphic image link which says OUIJA BOARDS, located directly above the aforementioned paragraph.
Perhaps you also did not notice the additional drop down menu located under the Search Box which gives a direct link to the Ouija Page.

Once again my apologies.
For the record you should be advised of an error in your logic and elucidation.
I do NOT simply suck. I suck exceptionally well. I swallow too.

Have a great day!

~blackraven

——————————————————————————————————————

Nutbag Number Two

More background: This idiot made a comment on one of my blogs.
Today was not the day to do something so silly as to push your personal beliefs as opposed to critique into my overflowing Inbox ‘o Crazies email program.
To quote Bill Maher “If I wanted to hear about Jesus every day I would have voted for Bush”.

The best part of this knuckle-draggers tirade is that he Missed the Entire Point of the Blog.

You’ve probably already read the blog as I’ve posted it here.
Scroll down to the last commenter and then my reply.

Oh life only gets better!

I Am Not A Godless Heathen.
now with moronic reader comment goodness!
—————————————————————————————————-

Nutbag Number Three

Background: This is one of the NORMAL emails I get in regards to my Ouija page every day.

From: LAIMES88@aol.com
Date: 5/15/2007 1:43:13 PM
To: blackraven@damnedgames.com
Subject: Evil spirits and demons. . .

Well my sister once had a ouija board and she told me that it really freaked her out. Siince it freaked her out. She was scared so she threw it in a dumpster. The next day it was under her bed. She tore it in half and threw it out again. Same thing happened and it didn’t have a scracth on it. So finally she put it in a bon fire. It once again wound up under her bed. She asked why it leave her alone. “We need you.” It responed. My sister was really freaked out so she gave it to her friend and never saw it again. Now i’m not the supersitious type but this still disturbs me. I want to get a board of my own and keep a log of what happens with it. Also I think I am starting to believe in these sort of things. A few days ago my sister had gotten some tera? cards. She used them on me and it said i was going to be moving soon. Well yester day i found out that our Apt building is sinking and the Apt manager is to freakin lazy to fix it or doesn’t want to pay for it. So it’s going to be demolished and we have to move. Along with that have you ever heard of forming a symbol with playing cards and then black means yes and red means no. Well me and my friends were doing that once, talking to ghosts, yes or no questions. Well since my friends are weird they ask out of the blue questions. So accoding to that little incident i’m going to be kidnapped this summer, what ever happens to me will be good enoff for me to make into a story and i’ll become a famous auther (My dream) and i’m going to hell. Well that was a lot for me to take. Anywhom my friend, jess, was the one holding the cards. I asked the spirit if it was from hell. It said yes. It the room we had some candles. One of my other friends asked if it was the devil. It said yes and all of the sudden the candle fell over and the flame went out. The cards caught on fire and jess suddenly started to choke me. I gasped for someone to mess up the symbol and someone did. Jess snapped out of it and passed out. So that makes me believe even more. Do you think it’s a good idea to get a ouija board or will i be attacked by an unseen force.
Rei

——-Original Message——-

From: blackraven@damnedgames.com
Date: 5/18/2007 1:43:13 PM
To: LAIMES88@aol.com
Subject: RE: Evil spirits and demons. . .

Dear Rei,
I definitely think that you should purchase a Ouija board! From me of course.
Clearly you’re meant to have one. If nothing else the alphabet is featured prominently and can be of great benefit in the use of grammar and spelling.
I promise that the only unseen force which attacks you will be yet more teenaged drama and angst. Take it from me. Did I mention I’m a doctor?
Also the next time a string of dangerous occurrences plagues you, your friends and your sinking building this happens PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE dial 911.
When the police show up they will know exactly what to do. You’ll have no more problems with dumpsters, cards that catch on fire, homicidal friends or parlor games made of cardboard mysteriously appearing under your bed.
You WILL have a kick-ass room-mate named Weird-Ass Wanda at West hills Hospital and a lovely new white jacket.

By the way I’d give up on the famous author dream. That part IS true. All famous authors go to hell and with what you’ve been through don’t you think it’s time for a rest?

Remember: I care!

~blackraven

————————————–

Okay I just can’t go on. It’s too much.
I laugh. Yea verily.
Write on kids. Write on.

~miss r


thanks to Ramblin’ Roger for the cool bush pic

 

 

Currently listening:
Mahler: Symphony No. 2 / Mehta, Vienna Philharmonic Orchestra
By: Gustav Mahler
Release date: 13 June, 2000

Want Your Palm Red? What's up Doc?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s