stop me before i write again

-written July 19 2007-


It appears I am suffering from hypographia today.

Pain and heartbreak are bad for my blood pressure, depression and emotional well being but tend to cause a creative spark, albeit a fucking lame one in my case.

I took off into the night after a terrible row the past evening and came home horrified by what I had done.
Yes we have all made mistakes (too true Lee) and will continue to make them, but it does not make the grief and self hatred any less difficult to live with.


Being a girl I have spent the day enveloped in this tiny bastion called home, with the exception of a walk earlier.

I cannot sit and watch ‘chick flicks’ – I detest them- or eat myself into oblivion with a pint of Ben and Jerry’s Pistachio ice cream –because I’m getting too goddamned out of shape. Besides. I’m not hungry.
Except for distraction and solace and a phone call that will probably never come.

I’m going to watch a DVD though. The cable was shut off yesterday so my normal foray into somnolesence brought on by Forensic shows is out.

Here are some potential choices from my collection. Keep in mind the current state of angst wontcha please…

Doctor Zhivago – fabulously depressing and sorrowful. God I love Pasternak

Brazil – Terry Gilliam’s ode to a bleak future and the ruination of a man brought about by a simple typo

Leaving Las Vegas – who can’t empathize with an alcoholic who once had it all and dies a lonely horrid death

Moulin Rouge – a depressing musical! The heroine dies and the protagonist lives a life of desperation and despair

Secondhand Lions – haven’t seen this one. I do know that my daughter cried when she saw it though

The list is meager I know. My taste in films tends to run towards things which don’t make me cry so most of the titles in my library have no bearing on the current state of my torn brain.
Fuck. Life is a hell of tears and pain so why would I spend time reliving it though someone else’s eyes?

Well here we go for DVD roulette. I watched Glorious with Eddie Izzard last night to try and cheer myself up but it didn’t do the trick.

Gee wonder why. Guess who turned me on to Eddie?

                                                Cast your vote!


~Miss R

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