1. To play “How to Save a Life” by The Fray.
2. How to Scare Idiots Away –just sing along with your iPod while maintaining eye contact with them simultaneously.
3. I can be replaced. Easily.
4. If your truck breaks down it’s far better for it to crap-out at a service station rather than the middle of nowhere.
5. Having an actuator replaced in a steering column costs $340.00 even though the part itself costs $15.00
6. My headaches no longer respond to aspirin.
7. There Are Still Some Funny Videos hidden out there and thanks to WhoreChurch for this one. Jesus’ New Crime Show!
Now you’ll have to excuse me while I go into the kitchen, fix myself a club soda and bitters, and bang my head against the fridge.