Halloween is almost here.
My favorite day of the year.
Hell, every day is Halloween at my house.
As usual I’ve no idea what to do for a costume this year. Although since I have no party invitations nor beau to go out with it may be a moot point.
I’m fucking sick of the usual sexy “insert woman’s costume name here” that are all alike. French maids, hot vampires, goth brides, pirate wenches.
These have all become de rigueur the past few years. Of course far be it for me to abstain from Slutty attire. It’s just become so very yawn at Halloween.
Here are some ideas that have been roiling about in my puerile little brain. A major point here is cost.
I is ‘po.
Miss R’s Difficulty Rating is listed:
George Sand: Easy
Hit the Salvation Army and purchase a tailored men’s suit, grab some parchment and carry around my antique fountain pen.
Tippi Hedren in The Birds: Fairly Easy.
Already have a couple of Fab 50’s suits, a glue gun and can hit up Michael’s for a few fake black birds to strategically place about my body and hair. Adorn with fake blood.
Miss Twin Towers: Moderate Difficulty
Salvation Army Formal Dress. Think gaudy Bridesmaid stuff. A sash with the words “Miss Twin Towers” written across it. A Beehive hairdo with a plastic model plane stuck through it. Yeah it’s tasteless so what. It IS funny.
To be honest I did this years ago as “Miss Cerritos” after a plane crashed in the city next to us. I’ve been a sick bitch for quite some time now.
Uniquitous Crazy Cat Lady from Down the Street: Moderately Easy.
Salvation Army time again. Tacky robe, truly awful slippers, stuffed cats, big-ass pink hair curlers, cigarette dangling from mouth
Medusa: Medium Difficulty
Long Black Dress from thrift store because mine are all too cool/expensive to cut up. A plethora of plastic snakes glued onto a headband. This last will be the challenge. Have to make it look hip and not schlocky. Ask guys I see if they ‘Wanna get stoned.’
Chain Smoker: Moderate Difficulty:
Wrap chains around myself and over a few pieces of bondage attire (love those O rings) that I may happen to own. Have a pack of cigarettes sticking out of my top. I like this one. Wonder why?
Full make-up and styled hair. Wear my tailored Tuxedo jacket with a swim suit bottom and flip flops.
Natalie Portman’s Character from Garden State: Easy
Wet down hair and apply loads of product for the wet look. Pull large Hefty Bag over clothing. Bag can later be used to dispose of those pesky body parts in the living room.
Lady Godiva: Moderate Difficulty
First problem is obtaining the wig, me being broke and all. Second problem is the whole 40-year-old-body thing. Last resort costume.
A Virgin: Difficult.
Okay no one would buy this.
New Rating: Impossible.
Teenaged Girl: Easy
Spend $5.00 on abandoned 70’s attire at the thrift store. Apply several shades of color to my hair; oh shit! I’ve already got this part done. Place pack of ciggies in back pocket. Walk around all night calling people “Dude” and/or telling them “Go fuck yourself you’re not the boss of me.”
Well those are my best ideas so far. By all means let me know if you’ve any of the items I’m looking for or a costume to fit a busty size 14 gal.
Feel free to use any of the above yourself. I just want pictures.
Mmmm don’t I always –wink-.
By: Depeche Mode
Release date: 22 February, 1990