For your Pre-Apocalyptic enjoyment here are a few suggestions to ease the transition.
Oh, you weren’t aware that the world was ending on the 21st? Well here’s some proof. PROOF I tell you!
If in doubt please send all of your now worthless, cash, stocks, bonds, title to your home(s) gold jewelry (We Pay Top Dollar for your old gold jewelry! Just place it in a handy envelope and Fed-Ex it to me. Hurry before the Fed Ex drivers dissipate) to me. I’ve built a specially equipped Anti-Rapture Safety bunker to keep all of your potentially worthwhile trinkets, spare chhange and Bentleys safe.
NOTE: All items may be returned if Judgement Day is cancelled due to snow, rain, ice, flooding, illness, errant arks or Acts of God. For a small fee. See contract for extra-fine small print.
Of course there are certain religions that adhere to the idea that only 144,000 of the ‘chosen’ will ascend (I’m looking at you Jehovah’s Witnesses) and leave their jewelry, dirty diapers and 1974 Cameros propped up on cinder blocks. We can pick and choose this stuff. KNOW your neighborhoods!
For the rest of us Jews, atheists, Hindus, Muslims, Buddhists and other pond scum all we have to do is take the next few days and study up.
Apocalypse Tips from the folks here at Yo-Yo-Dyne!
Tips, Links and How to safely Dispose of those Pesky Earthly Shells Left Behind!