It’s the End of the World Tomorrow! -Again-

It was recently announced –by some dingbat- that we no longer have to wait until 2012 to self-destruct. You know those Mayans, they never could count correctly.

Here are a few other idiot’s (read: delusional money-grabbing usually invented-their-own religion) End of the World Predictions.

Idiot Listings and predictions:

  1. 1.    Christians. The entire religion was originally built around the idea that Christ (the short Jewish Rabbi guy) would be resurrected during their lifetime. Ooops. They had to wait until the 1960’s when I was born. Hence my middle name Christine.
  1. 2.      Your friendly local Jehovah’s Witness door pounders. These guys have gotten it wrong so many times that this religion pretty much died out in the 1920’s. They’re baaaack (Knock knock. Who’s there? A pamphlet describing the earth deteriorating and hoping for the end of the world! –SLAM-). Here are the dates they have previously announced to their followers: 1914, 1915, 1918, 1920, 1925, 1941, 1975 and 1994. So far. Fun Fact: the founder of this religion sold ‘Miracle Wheat’ at hugely inflated prices, promising an unearthly growth potential. Which is odd as he then asked his congregation just a few years later to join him on a mountain top. Because the world was ending.
  1. 3.      Y2K. Ah, remember the year preceding this when a huge portion of the population began to stockpile food, firearms, water and batteries? Oh, and the Internet was to be the cause of our world collapse. You couldn’t even tell these believers that changing the dates for upcoming millennium had begun at least a year prior. Not just billion dollar Wall Street and Forbes 500 corporations had already rendered a simple fix, but so did every small business owners with a brain. Me for example.
  2. 4.      Edgar C. Whisenant: Prediction was September 11-13, 1988. Okay this is sad. The poor bastard was a NASA engineer…but also a rapture nutball. He wrote two books, one covertly named ‘88 Reasons Why The Rapture is in 1988. ‘ When that Rosh Hashanah passed with no incident he recalculated his dates and numbers taken from the Bible and announced September 15. Then October 3. He kept re-calculating until his end of the world in 2001. Fun Fact: He announced “Only if the Bible is in error am I wrong; and I say that to every preacher in town.” And a LOT of people took him seriously, including The Christian Trinity Broadcast Network (TBN). The station aired special instructions on preparing for the Rapture as the end date approached.
  3. 5.      The whole Mayan prediction for next year. Seriously? The fact that a civilization that flourished between 1000 BCE to circa 400 CE even bothered to create a calendar reaching to far into the future isn’t interesting enough for you?
    There’s plenty of crap –sorry meant information- available on that floating about. Books, TV, Internet. Look it up yourself.

So, I could go on and on and on ad infinitum. These are just a TINY number and I’m only going back through the last century. There was Haley’s Comet, Hale-Bop (got your roll of quarters and arsenic ready?) and literally hundreds more. All were taken seriously by large numbers of people.

The world will end. Just not in our lifetime. Unless I decree it of course.

Tune in Later for ‘Get your Dancing Shoes On! –a playlist for any rapture or end of the world scenario you’d care to choose.

The iPod is charging up as we speak.

~Miss R

16 thoughts on “It’s the End of the World Tomorrow! -Again-

  1. I’ll admit, the idea of starting a religion does appeal to me. Not ripping off the gullible ahem I mean devoted believers, not making false statements about something that may or may not have happened at some point in the vast distance past. Just the truth.

    I know, it’ll never catch on

    Much love n keep the faith
    Null
    “Live fast die young? Live fast n don’t crash dumbass”

    Like

    • You’re so in the ‘I get it’ crowd. Gotta say that the quote at the end of your reply made me fucking laugh. Awesome.

      I am an ordained minister and have performed two legal wedding ceremonies. Just so you know, I was ordained by mail -once again legally- about 20 years ago.
      I call my parish ‘The Church of What’s Happening Now Bitches!’
      Same problem as with your idea…never really caught ont.

      Like

      • Well what can I say? I like your style that’s for sure 🙂

        Hmm, as I don’t really have anything else to do I might give it a bit more thought. Hell if I can create a church here in the UK I’ll be one step ahead of the scientologists. And if I can expand it to the US without it being called a terrorist group then I’m ahead of every religion east and/or south of the Vatican! I like a challenge

        Like

  2. See Null! You DO have something to live for….I suggest announcing your Popeness soon. From here on out it’s all donations from the sheep, meant flock there. Okay not really.
    Lead them into temptation and put those days of grandiosity to good use!

    Like

    • thanks barking in the dark! it’s a graph ffrom ‘graph jam’ a site that pretty much someone posting the old ‘Rick Aslty’ pie chart meme.

      and thank you again. gotta go check out your blog today 😉

      Like

  3. You write so well and that is some antidote to depression and your blog is beautifully designed and you once lived in NY which can never be taken away from you and so you can say “here I am.”

    Like

    • Tom,
      you flatter me. i like it heh.
      and I’m very happy that you found something worthwhile in this piece to take away with you.
      Time to mosey over and see what you’ve been writing as well.

      Had a bad week -hey as David Byrne sang… ‘some good points, some bad points!’ and have fallen behind on both reading and writing.

      feeling a lot better today and it’s catch-up time!

      Like

  4. thank God for the flowchart! Now, it’s all clear.

    And when I move to the California mountains to start my own religion based on the teachings of the Blessed Wax Fruit, you’ll have a holiday named after you.

    We’ll call it Youday.

    Like

  5. It’s so hard to find the motivation to save for a rainy day when I’m continually told the end is around the corner. I wouldn’t take so many vacations if I knew there was a possibility I’d still be alive at eighty.

    Like

    • Good Greatsby,
      what is va-ca-shun? I may need one. All this work planning the end of the world has simply exhausted me. Raptute may be postponed until next April at this rate -sigh-.
      Maybe a week skiing will give a few new ideas the room to grow. Perhaps a global freezing kind of thing.

      Like

  6. Pingback: Seasonal Serial Killer Disorder | YoYo-Dyne Propulsion Labs: Reno Division

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