A post from 5:00 am -or- The Day The Earth Turned Day-Glo

Enjoy the subtitle best. Nothing like Germ Free Adolescents for this piece. And yes I WAS a punk before you were a punk.

Okay what provoked the last 80’s classic punk tune references?

The joys of my being a (actually 18 year old) teenager combined with my mom and abject horror. No not the cool and dulcet Dexter kind where you see mom hacked to death. We should all be so lucky. So, clearly the point  of this post is my discovery cure for cancer. Not really. Need to call Hawking, go through his bullshit excuses (but I can’t waaaaalk Rachee!).
All he needs to do is present my paper to a peer reviewd group. Status but really? The gut wrenching laughter he inspires in my cold black heart. Knee-Slapper.

It’s the generational freakishness that so many are bereft of experiencing in their lives.

ADDED BONUS FEATURE:

utter creepiness, probable onset of a manic state and -are you ready?- SEX SEX SEX and FREE BEER!!! * (valid only in mainly Muslim populated countries and most of Utah)

I haven’t slept in  48 hours, haven’t had so much as a beer in the last week or so, and have not experienced a true manic episode for close to 15 years. The times it has occurred during those last 15 years have always been due to a badly conceived and mixed cocktail. Of medication. Prescribed by  physician.

The meds not prescribed by  doctor (at least to me) are donated to favorite charities: Save the Whiners: Rush Limbaugh CEO , Ahmnodt Heare for President Campaign (he uses ALL donations to help the less fortunate. Obtain sexual favors and/or votes from strippers, whores and/or mostly the same; lobbyists.  The crap dealers in Fabulous Las Vegas!  Pets! And my all time American charitable foundation : Votes From the Texas Deceased and Legalized Euthanasia for all politicians who have been CEO’s of conglomerates, any attorney running for office,  Real Estate Developers and anyone else who -by consensus of Ahmnodt’s Board of Directors and noted Psychiatrists–  Religious Nuts and people who should be considered sub-moron but now proclaim their ‘gentlemanly C grade average’ at Yale.

Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot by Al Franken

Do you even comprehend the fiscal conservatism of this candidate? From ALL parties.

A Typical YoYo-Dyne manic episode (no employee names can be used due to pending litigation)  usually manifests  symptoms in the following manner:  Sleep deficit, grinding each particle of debris and enamel from teeth, a thorough cleaning under the bottom of tables with toothbrushes and Murphy’s ois soap, overeating to the point of re-joining the Scarf and Barf Club,  re-arrange the ant hills in the front yard, rearrange  the utensil drawer..34 times, and oh shit look at the time. Still have to comb the carpets and vacuum the cat.

Creepiness and SEX SEX SEX!

Remember that cursed time when you had 5 or 6 friends over to visit and party between school breaks? You lived in a dorm on campus, so stayed with mom and her husband during vacation. The night EVERY ONE of your friends heard  the moaning of sexual pleasure emanating from my mother. Outside with hubby. In the hot tub. I was 18 remember? Completely scared for life.

Until that fab memory came back to haunt me like a Donner Party member with bad table manners. And usurped mom’s status.

Just as I was positive I could sleep (after 3 sleeping pills) it dawned on me that I could hear my daughter, my beloved Demon Seed, and her (strictly uncommitted on her part, and he has accepted it) Reno beau -playing the music REALLY loudly for 3:00 am in her bedroom.

Too loud. Got up to brush my teeth (count for today: 6 brushings) and immediately understood why the music was so loud. Yes. SEX.  Loud, headboard pounding sex.. and worse the sounds my naive and wallflower daughter was, well, moaning.

Not sure what’s more fucked up and deserved of 72 hours with no sleep. But the synchronicity factor between hearing mom doing the nasty and my daughter doing the ‘wonder where she got it’ freak on nasty haunted me. Poste Haste.

Hear I sit… loony from lack of sleep, possible onset of mania (whoa dude have you ever SEEN my Marie Antoinette outfit? The Napoleon version I’d had made up upon my diagnosis is just, too, well dykish for me. I’d be a lipstick lesbian if I switched teams permanently.  And oh fruit of my loins you are already happily bi-sexual. At 11 she looks up at me and says ‘Mommy I think I’m bi’. Please realize that she was a late bloomer and couldn’t even look at her OWN naked body until 9 months ago). I said ‘that’s great  honey. I want you to be happy! She skipped off quite pleased.

She already  knew many of my friends were/are queer. Hell, I’m a musician. Who got her professional (or in my case unprofessional -rim shot-) start playing piano and singing at gay and lesbian bars in the Los Angeles area.

Get To the Fucking Point Already!

Tried to pass along the import ideals to my daughter. She hates no one. Unless a particular jackwagon pisses her off.

But but but THE MOANING and Headboard banging.. and being humiliated in front of friends who had known  my mom for years. It Burns. IT BURNS.

Well, will never get any sleep now, almost time to make the coffee. OH GOD MAKE IT STOP. My MIND WOULD BE A GREAT PLACE TO WASTE right now. Oh god orgasms coming (don;t even think it) from two people I NEVER wanted to hear them from… Age 18…in college. Hand me that Xanax!

Oh dear god they’re at it again. Bed Bounce, How nice. Oh, please shoot me I’m only the piano player

~Just Another Run of the Mill Mom and Daughter in Reno…. but you may continue to address me as

~Miss R

addendum: IT BURNS OH DEAR GOD

 

42 thoughts on “A post from 5:00 am -or- The Day The Earth Turned Day-Glo

  1. Ah, thanks Don -smile-. When all else seems to be going to hades in a handbasket I’ve found that doing/writing/amusing myself and hopefully others is a great prescription on it’s own. Not a cure, and so so difficult not to isolate.
    Remember… People like you are one in a million. It makes me feel the fleeting good thoughts just knowing/reading your posts.
    People like you, Tony, El Guapo, Red, and a small, VERY small handful of others.

    Back up to 200 un-opened emails though. I’ll see all of yours Don, just give me time.

    Hey, I did write a few posts after being nudged by you and a few other of my favorite bloggers/friends/artists. See how much you’ve helped already?!

    Please take the (twisted) humor and never tell ANYONE what you may see between the lines. Nothing to see there citizen….
    and NO ONE sees the Wizard. No way. No how 😉

    ps my daughter is why I’ve made it through the last year, even though she is away at college. She’s the best. A goddamn loud moaner but just the most amazing child one could EVER hope for. And I remind myself each day.

    Like

    • PKC, I thank you. Consider you amongst one of the best as well, and you’re part of a handful out here in Blog Land that I respect. You’re too intelligent, witty and funny to be a true dork. Your comments and writing do not suggest you’re wearing floods, with the waistband up to your nipples and hair brill creamed into sheer grease.
      Am thinking more of a geek, similar to me heh.

      As an aside: used to keep two separate blogs, from 2006 until last year.
      One dealt only with the personal modern problems of mental health and catered to others that also suffer and deal with bi-polar disorder. It’s still up but you can’t find it lol. My name is not attached in any way. It was my journal along with a list of hotlines,places to help and discussions of meds, and links to help with suicidal ideation and mania.
      YoYo-Dyne was strictly for fun. twisted humor and of course my personal amusement.

      Looking at yours and Don’s comments I may go back to keeping up the two blogs. I DID mean it to be humorous, but threw a few personal things in that perhaps were too much.

      Hell, being bi-polar puts me with some serious genius and art! Beethoven, Vivian Leigh, Sinead O’Conner (but not the pope), Virginia Woolf of course, Catherine Zeta-Jones (yeah I’d go gay for her), Tom Waits, Tim Burton, and it goes on.
      What’s fucked is that the majority of people still believe that a mental affliction that you can ‘cure’ by simply pulling up your bootstraps -you lazy worthless bum.

      Second husband truly believed this for the first 3 years of our ten year marriage. Despite the fact I worked 10 to 14 hour days building up a successful business,,,allowing him to blow off jobs, hunt some kind of mammal every month and ice fish in the winter. Only time I ever saw him at my stores were when he walked in, opened the register with the bottom button, and took cash. Then left.
      And for the first 3 years he yelled ,bullied and told me ‘if you only worked the Program you wouldn’t need to pay a doctor or be on any medication(I was sober 12 years before I ‘went out.
      This is also the same guy who told me there were ‘no gay men in Michigan’ -guess where he’ s from?. Duh.
      TRUE! Then found out his brother was in prison for life and was not only gay but a total flamer.
      He stalked me before and after the divorce, despite my restraining order.
      So…. that’s how I got to Reno. That abusive cretin is 3000 miles away.
      Not that I’m bitter of course -grin-.

      I got out of that mess, so feel I can accomplish -one minute at a time- a way to be healthier. Ah time, that faithful healer of wounds who also gives us the ability to learn more and take more action.
      Alrighty then…Going to STFU now. Too little sleep and too much coffee.
      May erase this reply. TMI -sigh- whadda maroon!

      Like

  2. Holy crap, that was fantastically sordid and complicated and…”a goddamn loud moaner”–shit, I don’t know whether to laugh or cry for you, Miss R. Way to put a situation in perspective. Your daughter is one lucky kid.

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    • LB: you have made my afternoon 🙂
      For god’s sake LAUGH! I actually am this afternoon.
      Hell, it could be the 72 hours I’ve gone without sleep…. but it’s not :
      Just dropped the Seed off at Greyhound, so she can get back to SF by tonight for some beach party.
      She IS coming back in 2 weeks to spend 4 days. At least we’ll get a day to ourselves this time.
      Kinda cool sharing the whole teen angst thing and gossip.
      Poor kid is going through exactly what ALL of us did back then; self loathing, I’m ugly, the only reason he wants to date me is so I can be his coleslaw.-her term for the ‘other woman’ in a relationship-. the side ordder. You know. who the hell orders only coleslaw by themselves. Gotta have the ENTIRE meal.Thought it was a great metaphor.
      Then the Reno guy professed his love to her night before last. She said she didn’t want a committed relationship with him, as she lived so far away.
      Perfect reason, I’m thinking, for letting him down gently. she had zero idea of this turn of events. This is the headboard banger by the way.. heh. He actually agreed to her terms. Thinking I need to pad the wall and install carpeting back there.
      Hmmm how do you think the Seed would react if I offered to let her use my ball gag? lmfao… she’d make a smart-ass remark and crack me the hell up. Hell it’s not as if I get to use it anymore -insert sad all alone face here. color in with self-pity. That’s PERFECT!-
      Gonna do it muahahahaha
      t
      Shedding the self-pity today. Gotta keep on trucking. The Demon Seed is my inspiration. Along with all of the special comments from special people on this post. Thank you so so much!
      Ahhh glad college is over and done with. No wait. that was fucking High School! I blossomed in college. She’s already doing the same thing.

      So my friend, I am the lucky one. We share everything, total trust, and she KNOWS I’m always there for her. Even if I had to walk to SF to help her. Works both ways.
      You’ll find out in several years LB.
      Are there boys or girls in the house? Just curious.
      And thank you hon.

      I came back out to the site to delete my lengthy TMI reply to Don and PKC. Oops. waited too long.story of my life -face palm-
      Be well my little inebriated friend 😉

      So you know, the post started out as a humor piece. Guess I missed the mark. Will try harder next time.

      I oughta write a book. Pretty sure I could give Augustin Burroughs a run for his money -grin-

      Like

      • There are two girls in the house: 4 and 6, one introverted and one extroverted, one difficult and the other easygoing. I hear that flipflops when they hit their teens, so it’s the easygoing ones that turn into hell raisers. Maybe if I set a really bad example they’ll be disgusted and turn into nice conservative adults.
        Your post made MY day.

        Like

  3. I was going to say you could demonstrate your approval of Demon Seed y getting her a gag, but as always, you’re (at least) one step ahead of me.
    For what it’s worth, while you struggle through this swing of the pendulum, I was aware of, but unfamiliar with X-Ray Spex, and have spent my time reading this while listening to them and am now hooked.
    As always, when I read anything about your store and musical acomplishments,I am ridiculously impressed. Because you rock.
    So whatever your state, we appreciate you just as you are. And we’re here for any mental mayhem you want to throw out there.

    Oh, and if you go to vacuum the cat, take pictures. The internet loves that kind of thing…

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  4. forgive me Rachael, but i can’t help laughing…at the situation, at your having to hear the fruit of your loins going at it, and, of course, i’m laughing at your riotous description of same. i sympathize…but… anyway, i do hope you get some zzz’s soon…even a bloody genius needs some rest. continue…

    Like

    • Oh I finally got some sleep… after 72 hours straight of being awake.
      Meds have kept me alive for over 20 years, although the cocktail has to be changed sometimes.
      And totally with you on the sleep thing 😉

      Like

  5. Okay so this moaning, whining, wicked girl just happens to be your daughter… Well, well, well what am I on about, well there you have it, I mean your daughter, I mean, so the music was loud, the headboard christened and the night shot to hell with a naughty and wicked Banshee… But it could have been a lot worse you know, oh yes it could have been a Hoard of Randy Shewolf Types chasing down the Local Nancy Boy and just think what would have happened when they caught up to him 😦 Groooooooooooooooooooooowl

    Or perhaps it could have been a Lady Hobo on Weed blowing her… Hey wait for it this isn’t anything to do with that, yes ‘That’ I mean what you were thinking 😉 lol I was going to say a Lady Hobo blowing her last dollar on grass and finding a straw up her backside in a cruel twist called The Twilight Zone…

    I bet that you are glad that I don’t visit here too often after reading this twaddle but hey I hope it took your mind off the Screaming Nympho, just kidding…

    The Warbling in the next room is what I meant, and of course that Bloody Headboard Banging away like a roof on a hot tin cat 🙂 😉 Keep smiling and adding your jovial slant to WordPress, you are definitely a star my friend 🙂

    Androgoth Xx

    Like

    • Androgoth: you have NO idea of how close you really are to the truth heh. Re: the Nancy boys…. my daughter takes after mom. total fag hag, hell even her boyfriend is bi. No comment on Demon Seed…

      Like

  6. I am certainly hoping you are sleeping in your absence from both this post and the remainder of the blogosphere. I absolutely love the things which spring from your brain when you drop those inhibitions, my dear.

    {HUGZ}
    Red.

    And screw two blogs. All of us have big girl panties to pull up when things get a mite Biozarre. Even the boys.

    Like

  7. I leave the internets for a couple of months and ALL HELL breaks loose!! Aw, sweet Hell, it’s good to be home.

    Other than the fact, as mentioned by your other charming contributors, that your post leaves me concerned for your well being – this is a funny fucking post my sweet lady.

    I’ve seen both my parent having sex – at different times, with different people. Things seen can never be unseen and there’s not enough brain bleach in the world to cleanse the mind of the soul of that horror.

    I’m glad you finally got some sleep – you’re a treasure and I want you to be well. xoxo

    ps… CZJ can suck my dick – I’d go gay for *you*. 😉

    Like

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