N is for Neurosis

Kurt Vonnegut -neurotic

Kurt -The Ultimate Neurotic.
Caricature courtesy of artist Kathryn Rathke

Listening to Joe Sample right now, after an earfest of Sinatra. I’m doing an El Guapo here. Posting this late afternoon’s musical choices that is.
Not to be confused with ‘listening similar to’ El Guapo.
EG and Tony: don’t tell Mrs. Guapo

Anyway, tertiary is my middle name. Except this post is N for Neurotic. Ergo, all theorems proved by scientific method; see paragraph above. Same results in pristine laboratory settings (the living room and office) or your kitchen.

Neurosis runs (gallops, bobsleds, careens, bucks…you get the picture) through the family. Being a lifelong over-achiever I’m appointed the poster child for the Black clan.

Go ahead and get married, have the last name of an ex-hubby, change your name legally. The Black curse is upon you all Buahahahaha. –stops for water and takes Xanax-.

Okay, back now. Here are the three main criteria for getting your familial Neurosis on:

  1. Nature: Are you and/or your family subject to any of the following DSM certified symptoms?

a)      Eating Disorders

b)      Bi-Polar

c)      Eccentricity

d)     Black ™ Sheep Family Syndrome

             2. Nurture: Are you and/or your family involved in any of the following professions?

a)      Psychology

b)      Psychiatry (three thumbs up here!)

c)      Waste Management Disposal (+2 if your surname ends with ‘I’ or is similar to the range below Falsetto…)

d)     Addiction Specialization (social workers, AA ashtray cleaning, nursing, dealer –either here in a Nevada casino or located at the local street corner-)

    3. Intelligence/Talent?

a)      Off the charts Mensa 1%er IQ?

b)      Savant i.e. dumb as a box of hair taped up but able to play an oboe in tune

c)      Genius IQ AND musical/photographic/acting/writing/amazing artistic ability

d)     Tap dancing even though Ed Sullivan is still dead

Well faithful readers how do you score? On the test. Not with the opposite (or same) sex.

Years of intensive research have led me to this simple questionnaire. Combined with years of psychiatry, therapy, analysis, medication, hospitalization, straightjackets (oh hell that was a club in San Fransisco nevermind)  and obsessive reading/learning skills. Damn. Reminds me. Forgot to list OCD up there with the ‘Nature’ answers.

Conclusion: Fuck Piaget.

See Online Merriam Webster definition for Neurosis below.
Have left out the pronunciation guideline because if you are reading this you know how to pronounce it.

Neurosis: a mental and emotional disorder that affects only part of the personality, is accompanied by a less distorted perception of reality than in a psychosis, does not result in disturbance of the use of language, and is accompanied by various physical, physiological, and mental disturbances (as visceral symptoms, anxieties, or phobias)

neurotic facebook

Bah humbug. I got ‘yer solution right here. Closer to the Holmes 7% Solution than any meds on the market. Don’t ask me how I know this.

Dr. Rachee Black (I play one on TV, parties and stayed at a Holiday Inn Express) recommends a minimum of 2 G&T’s per evening. Xanax bid or as needed. Some days none are indicated. Those are the days that begin with S; for Somnolence. Watch this Space for upcoming definitions!

*This study may be affected by pharmaceutical US costs, physician co-pay amounts and general degradation professed towards any person suffering from anything BUT admitted Neurosis. Once again, not that I’d know.

Cheers!

~Miss R

 

-addendum: iPod just switched to Elliot Smith; Miss Misery is the first track. Gotta love being in synchronicity with life, the universe and everything. Say isn’t Towel Day coming up?

 

25 thoughts on “N is for Neurosis

    • you betcha. I’m close but no cigar here. Highest IQ, of someone still living, is a guy from Korea. Of course Bobby Fischer had a high IQ (lower than mine, and probably yours) which may explain why he was a fucking anti-Semite.
      Genius treads a fine line… as YOU very well know.
      Never ceases to amaze me that in the monthly Mensa newsletters there is a ‘Christian’ (substitute any religion actually) group to join. W.T.F.
      Genius vs Psychosis… as opposed to Neurosis.

      There was a woman who used to have a column in Parade (remember that newspaper insert pre-internet?) who had an IQ of 225+ I believe.

      Like

      • There is an actress or novelist (filed under WGAF) they claim has one over 250. I had never heard of her, but my rock is kinda small.

        Still not seeing what difference it makes which version of G*d you bow to, they are all the same thing when you look at them historically. *sigh*

        And of course I remember Parade. That was back in the days before I had solved all of the LA Time crossword puzzles. I called the editor and asked if the repeat was a misprint. She asked how I could remember them. She had not run it for 11 years. Cocky bitch.

        Red.

        Like

      • hahahahaha. Figures you’d get that answer. People ask why newspapers are dying. Not that you’d find any difference on the ‘net. do you have any idea of how many peeps I have blocked due to constant repetition of jokes/cartoons that were funny… ..7 years ago when I first saw them?
        Believe that the chickie from Parade claimed 250.. and her surname was something amusing; de Savant maybe.
        Like to see the RECOGNIZED IQ TEST results on that one.

        Reading one more cretin brag about their intelligence, based on an Internet or self-administered exam, I shall puke.
        Worse than any hang-over. Oooooh that’s bad -grin-

        Like

  1. From “M” for “Murder” to “N” for “Neurosis”…. you’re beginning to worry me, Rachael.

    Oh, IQ of 250? I seriously doubt it. 200 is rare enough. 250, je pense c’est impossible. (okay, my French is very rusty)….

    Like

    • No worries. You may know my fave saying ‘there’s a fine line between genius and insanity…and I have erased it.’
      Could replace insanity with body disposal I ‘spose.

      Michelle you know very well how difficult it is to find a place while the ground is frozen. Difficult even for we geniuses.

      Am with you on the 200 to 250 range. Pretty damned sure that the standardized tests that got us all into Mensa (oh there are several of us fab fucked up folks here) were NOT a basis for the alleged ‘over 200’ crowd.
      Agree 100%

      ~Love
      A Top 1%er to Another

      Like

  2. i do wish there was a more emphatic button to press than “like” – that tepid, flaccid, bullshit non-accolade accolade. this post is an outstanding example of the exemplary mind surreal. marilyn mach vos savant’s IQ is like that of a kholrabi next to yours girrrl! . xo continue

    Like

  3. Love that you’ve trademarked Black Sheep.
    Love everything about this post.
    Love your interpretation of the world.
    Would love to spend 20 minutes on your head (and not just for the contact high!)
    And mostly love that you use your incredible and gorgeous IQ to entertain us with posts like this!

    Like

    • EG: you’re cool bitchin’, intelligent , purveyor of fine writing, extraordinary musical taste -you would be described as awesome but Eddie Izzard cured me of using that adjective-.
      Your comment made my day. Really and truly dear twisted friend 😉
      Be well out there in the Mysterious East!

      Like

  4. I literally just finished spray painting random vegestables, so… this couldn’t possibly apply to me. Clearly.
    Also, every time I pop in Good Will Hunting I watch all the way through the credits just for Miss Misery…
    🙂

    Like

    • SIG your genius (and god given artistic Neurosis) never cease to amaze me.
      Am sure you’re also in agreement with the police theory that Elliot stabbed himself to death with a steak knife heh
      Okay, now I’ve GOT to see if you’re going to ink, paint or photograph those veggies. Please tell me they are for a piece of art 😉

      Like

  5. Intelligence / Talent?

    Well Mensa is one thing but Tap Dancing is quite another especially when one keeps falling into that bloody sink 🙂 lol Okay a rubbish joke that one but what about the consequences of being so brainy that even Einstein would feel inadequate? Noooooo not me but there is bound to be some smart arsed creepo that is reaching the heights that other genius’ cannot reach… Yes okay I’m wittering, time to get out of here, onwards to your next posting and, and, and will you tell that El Guapo to stop sucking up so much, well alright then he does have a point you know… How do you mean what the hell am I blathering on about? 🙂 I mean your wondrously offered postings of course, rich in the downright wicked and oozing with style, now go and pop the kettle on it’s coffee time and it’s your turn so there 🙂 lol

    Androgoth XXx

    Like

    • Can you imagine idiots tap dancing? Oh wait. Nevermind.
      Always adore your comments AndrNo suck up. He’s a cool bud, great writer and married to Mrs. Guap as well 😉
      As for the kettle…. Boiling Oil for everyone!
      BYOF (Bring your own feathers)

      Like

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