Nerve Blocks and Other Fun Shit

marty feldman young frankenstein

Home from another visit to Dr Mengele. Note: not his real name.

His specialty is pain management which makes the mind wander to ‘why does every patient exiting the procedure suites appear worse than when they left the waiting room?’

Although I stayed at a Holiday Inn Suites six years ago I am not a doctor. Who am I to question such things?

Laying prone on the surgical table, panties pulled down, in a quite ignoble way,  to reveal my lower back and top of  a lily-white flat Irish-Hebraic ass he commenced sticking six shots of white hot Lidocaine into my lower back. To numb it.  What the fuck indeed.

Thankfully heeded mom’s advice and wore a pair of ‘wares with no holes or fading.

After said joy, the real fun commenced with the really long fucking scary needle. To probe the nerves. Playfully called a Paraspinal Facet Joint and Nerve Root Injection Block Test. When the real block is done the same procedure will be performed, but with IV sedation and the nerves will actually be burned off with a laser.

Damn, get to the point.
Okay, so I’m stretched out mumbling obscenities between gasps of pain and Mengele says ‘Hmmm seems as though you have a lot of pain up near where the scoliosis is prominent.’

‘Oh you must  have gotten the films back from the neurosurgeon’ I said.  He replied “No, look at the monitor’. So I did. Wow.

Doc says ‘Yeah, quite a spine curvature there.’
In a totally straight voice I stated…….‘What hump?’

He laughed so hard that the entire operation had to be halted for a minute.

Best fucking grin I’ve had in a week.

Be Well,

~Miss R

71 thoughts on “Nerve Blocks and Other Fun Shit

    • It’s wonderful and refreshing to see other Scoliosis sufferers with a sense of humor. I have done the injections (post-op) so many times now I moan and curse a little but save myself the lidocaine (numbing shot my ass its just as painful!) shots and opted for the nitrous spray OOOWWWWWWWW! Holy mother of God! Why don’t you push on my ripped and swollen muscle lumps some more evil torturer. She jabs me about 6-9 times and luckily because they severed my nerves during surgery I only feel about half of them. The true pain comes about 4-6 hours after when the steroids wear off and the meds spread and the real burn sets in. I walk around my home randomly screaming things other than curse words when my 9 year old is hear but SHIT HOLY MOTHER FUCK there is nothing to describe the pain. Honestly, I’d prefer the nerves stay dead. Who needs to feel sensation in their back? Not me. Not if that sensation requires tazer like electrical sensations in your back when those bastards wake up. Stay strong, more power to you, the shit sucks. Grin and bear it and laugh at yourself after, otherwise you’ll never make it through. Best of luck to you.

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      • Thank you SO much for your reply. Good to know there are other folks out there that can keep a sense of disturbed humor about this kind of hell -grin-.
        Hope that you keep on keeping on. Have to check out your site.
        Be well and thank you again

        Like

  1. Haaaaaa! Why am I not surprised you prostrate in front of a man determined to cause pain to you ends up with you making him laugh a lot

    Much love n whipping… not of cream, of ass… actually not wrong with adding some whipped cream in the mix too. Only if there’s a cherry involved tho… maybe

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  2. Soooooooooo, after the guffaws subsided, what is the outcome? Are you on track for the real thing? You are a consummate tease. No, I did not poll the pexes.

    Muah! Inbox open,
    Red.
    xxx

    Like

      • Hey! She lives!!!
        Hell, I haven’t been visiting many blogs lately either. Been so busy. I can barely keep up with my own posts right now. But my HUGE event I’m managing at work is just about done. Tomorrow is the deadline and I’m ready for it to go away. Yay!!!

        So, how are ya???

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        • Hanging in there and trying to keep cool. Going to be 102F today here in Hell, er, Reno.
          Glad your project is almost done. I’ll lift a cold tasty beverage in your honor Michelle!
          Here’s to some free time for us both 🙂
          Good to see you as always my friend

          Like

  3. Hey have you run off with the Evil Doc then Miss. R as I have not seen you around since this posting was added, and you said a couple of days not weeks 😦 Okay get your gown on and get clicking those keys, we want at least three postings next and one of them has to be a naughty one 😉 lol Hmm…

    That won’t be much of a challenge for you as ALL of your postings are naughty, now let me think up something else for a punishment, ahhh I know bend ov… No just get on with the postings or else? 😉 🙂 lmao

    Hope your weekend is a ghoulishly wicked one Miss. R 😉 🙂

    Androgoth XXx

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    • Okay Andro, back in town. Was gone for a week attending a Burning Man related ‘unofficial’ event called 4th of Juplaya.
      Still recovering from sunburn, sleeping in the front seat of my truck after a borrowed tent self-destructed from the dust storms, swimming in the two natural pools, dust storms and a strict regimen of partying for a week straight in the middle of the desert.
      The few days before that I was in northern California at a fabulous spa town with my friend Billie: Girls Gone Wild. Which in our case means no kids, ex-boyfriends, day to day crap and lots of massage, mud bath, mineral water and Napa Valley wine tasting.
      Ah, living the extremes is the best medicine!

      Like

      • So you had lots of fun then 😉 lol
        Now that is what I call a wicked
        vacation… I will be over later to
        see what you have posted 🙂 🙂

        Try and stay out of
        trouble until I get there 🙂 lol

        Androgoth XXx

        Like

          • Andro: still a fucking loser poster… off again for a camping trip starting tomorrow morning and won’t be back until Sunday night,
            Dear god the stories I could tell…. Oh wait. I should!

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            • Just make sure that your time away from the pc is full of wickedness, and just blog all the juicy bits 🙂 😉 lmao Nooooooooo just blog whenever you get the opportunity, the life is out there in the real world so grab all the fun that you can and be good doing it, well you know what I mean, hey I meant the other, no the alternative, I mean the… Oh never mind you know what I meant to start with so just have a funtastic time and get laid, I mean paid for any jobs you are doing along the way, such as grape picking, evil doc sniper practice, naked skateboarding and of course any general ranch work, that’s if you are camping out near any? 🙂 Okay have lots of excitement and be wicked at every opportunity 🙂

              Androgoth XXx

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  4. I am just calling in for a quickie Miss. R 😉 🙂
    Hope you are enjoying yourself this evening
    and not being as good as usual 🙂 lmao

    Androgoth XXX

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    • Andro my dearest!
      Excellent timing. Just back from the surgeon a few hours ago. Have to admit I enjoyed the IV Fentanyl, and a Porter with lunch afterwards, but the surgery itself was a nightmare. Now just very very sore and aching so all is klar der kommissar. Literally screamed and cried in pain during the procedure. Not the pain I like either.
      Prefer my oral outbursts be confined to the bedroom, not the hospital -wicked grin-.
      xxx

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      • Yes and howling like a banshee is extra wicked at midnight, safely under the boardwalk, I mean under the mistletoe, I mean in your birthday suit, I mean… Oh okay then in bed and not in that horrible hospital with Dr. Evil Asshole standing by with his ghoulish bedside manner 😦 Glad that you are here and survived his fiendish ways 🙂 😉

        Hey you can relax a bit now soooooooooo
        grab something nice to eat and be good 🙂

        Androgoth XXx

        Like

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