I’m Keeping the Damned Bill W Pin

Been gone for a few months. With good reason.  All the writing secreted, as opposed to secreted, has gone to working.

On myself.

count 60 days copy

So Happy AA Birthday to me.  60 Days. Once upon a Time  your intrepid writer had more than a decade of sobriety. Several years more actually. After a relapse it was time to head back.

Note: The slip was all in the name of research. I’m that much of a  giver.

Oh, the button mentioned in the title? Have it pinned on my band uniform (why was it banned ta-dum). Wear it at Burning Man. It says ‘Bill W. Is Not My Friend’. Now how could I possibly ditch that? We are not a glum lot. Besides, nothing will take away the innate smart-ass quality which is but one of my many charms.

More to follow. Including How to be an Atheist in a 12 Step Program. Defying Gravity in Stilettos. How to Follow Direction From Your Sponsor; Begrudgingly but eventually. The new edition also features Stupid Shit YOU Can Do to Relapse. Pissing Off Enemies! The Growing  Research Field (and stream). Rental Property.. that you don’t own. For said relapse years I’ll include a special chapter including: Not Defying Gravity in Stilettos.

Bottoms Up! God knows my ass is always hanging out.

~Miss R

32 thoughts on “I’m Keeping the Damned Bill W Pin

    • Thanks Guap. So much in the squirrel cage known as my mind, that writing on anything else but changing has tied me up.
      Not in a good way
      May no longer drink but I’ll always be batshiat crazy 😉

      Just decided one day to go back. Am one of those alkies that never drank every day, had one DUI -in 1980. Wasn’t even old enough to drink. Heh.
      I AM a black out drinker though… and not knowing when it will happen is a big factor. May have two glasses of wine with dinner. May have three bottles. Never know. Oh, and am naturally a spaz. Talk about your scar tissue.
      On my knees. From falling. No comments dammit.


    • you’d BETTER visit LB. How the hell am I going to live the Lush Life vicariously if it isn’t thru you, Red and Guap! Hey, never been a ‘nazi’ 12 stepper. Served champagne at my second wedding (to psychofuck). Met him in a meeting.
      Oh the stories I could tell.
      Think I will.
      You’ll be pleased to know I always kept a nice cache of liquor for friends that drank.
      Right now the house is cleared out, but this too shall pass.
      Not a matter of craving a drink. More a matter of restraining myself from beating the living shit out of my sponsor .
      Not really.

      Missed you LB.


  1. Hey Rach! Congrats on accomplishing your 60-day pin, one day at a time! It’s incredibly commendable of you that your years away from the program were done in the name of research. Of course, all life is research, one breath at a time.

    I know you’re expecting wisecracks from me (so am I), but I don’t have any (yet).

    What I do think will be fascinating and possibly of great help to many people is your “How to Be an Atheist in a 12-Step Program.” I’ve read a little on that subject, but it’s been pretty shallow and meaningless. You’re a deep-thinking person whose writing on this topic will, undoubtedly, offer myself and others the opportunity to learn and look at how it applies to ourselves. Damn, I sound so “old” in my writing tonight.

    Seriously, put some thought into that one. I’m looking forward to reading it! Of course, add agnostics to that list. I label (I hate labels) myself as an “agnostic” simply because I don’t KNOW for a fact that god/God doesn’t exist, just as others don’t, in my opinion, KNOW that he/He (why not she/She?) exists. So, to avoid sounding self-righteous and because I am open to changing my mind if presented with information that suggests I might want to do so, I label myself an agnostic rather than atheist. A personal choice. Nothing against atheists! 🙂

    Also looking forward to reading your adventures in stiletto. 🙂 :)~~~

    Your reclusive friend,

    Pay 🙂


    • Thanks Pay!
      Yes, worked a successful program for 12 years filled with more adventures, new things and happiness (most of the time heh). As an atheist. It is driving my current sponsor bugfuck lol. Luckily she is open-minded and has 25 years+ sobriety.

      Reno is a small town in reality, and we have no meetings for agnostics, atheists, dual diagnosis (although believe one is starting up) or most other non traditional drunks.
      AA needs to grow. Think that was the original idea. It hasn’t been. On so many levels.
      This is one of the problems I’m facing as a ‘newcomer’ with so many years working t he program and studying every bit of literature available.

      You rock for giving me a kind word. doing my 4th right now. Needed it 😉


      • I was in NA many moons ago. I had two-plus years sobriety (as long as one didn’t count the occasional enjoyment of poppers, and I chose not to count them, lol) and I did complete my 4th step. I did it to the best of my ability and I shared it with my sponsor. It was incredibly difficult to share, but it also was amazingly freeing. I’ve never felt shackled again by those bonds once I put them to paper for my 4th. I never did do my 5th and I dropped from the program shortly thereafter. I don’t regret that. But I learned a lot, too. And I do believe it helped save my life at the time. I know it’s always there if I want to go back. Just as I know there always will be drugs if I choose to use.

        Good luck on your adventure! I know it will be rewarding for you!

        Peace, love and light,



  2. What? Another one bites the dust. Am I the only one drinking around here?
    Great job Rachael it takes Dutch courage to do that…. kidding. Good on you. Welcome back Miss’s Kotterrrrrrrr (OK, in my head that had the Horseshack twang)


  3. Congratulations, Rachael. It’s a tough thing to give up anything we like or think we need, but in the long run you’ll be better off without it.


    • Thank you Binky!
      One sincere reason I returned to meetings is the isolation that gets worse; have another illness that contributes to this.
      Wine gums help for both conditions 😉

      For the 12 years I was using the coping skills learned in AA my life reached some amazing and awesome (in the true sense) heights.
      Lows too. Life goes on no matter what.
      I just don’t have to use a substance to cope if there are healthy alternatives.

      Missed you!


  4. That’s awesome, Ms. B – congratulations! I don’t know that I’ve managed to do anything successfully for 60 consecutive days! A day here and a day there, maybe, but… anyway, the point is I’m very happy to hear you are doing this for yourself! Keep keepin’ on (or whatever it is ‘the kids’ are saying these days)! 🙂

    P.S. I was never very good with Stiletto balance, either.


  5. Wow hellooooo you, how did you slip this one by me that is what I want to know? Come on, tell me now, right away, this instance or I am sending the Zombies round 🙂 It is brilliant seeing you here again Miss. R and I hope that you will be coming back again soon, it is always a pleasure calling in here 🙂 Have fun, be wicked, be good, be naughty and above all behave yourself 😉 🙂 lmao xxxx


    • Dammit Le Clown, now shit got real. Been working on a fucking hysterical yet truthful (note: not always should these go hand in hand for a writer) post. Was going to wait until my 90 days. Which is next week. I think. God damn my memory.
      Tah Dah! Nothing happened.
      It’s still all screwed up.


Want Your Palm Red? What's up Doc?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s