What Your Search Terms Are Saying Behind Your Back

Image courtesy of MediaFuturist

Image courtesy of MediaFuturist

Due to a Creative Block currently tying up Highway 50 just east of Right Side of the Brain Plaza off-ramp, YoYo-Dyne finally presents today’s offering. There has never been a post so bone -headed -chilling, spell-binding, spine crackling, lacking in original concept and dripping with so many useless adjectives it’s reminiscent of rats abandoning a neglected blog.

You’ll Laugh! You’ll Cry! You’ll Drool with Joy!
Hell, you’ll go running next door to rub your balls on the neighbor’s dog!

Sit back, grab a beverage and get ready to find out some frightening facts about our readers

THE WEIRD AND DISTURBING SEARCH TERMS USED TO LAND HERE AT
YOYO-DYNE PROPULSION SYSTEMS

  • Sloths for Sale – The first thing that came to mind upon seeing this was naturally ‘Dammit. It’s no longer legal to sell The Demon Seed ™ since she’s over 18.’ To my knowledge there are no sloth pictures, sloth memes, wash sloths or Placental Mammals of any kind lurking on the premises.
  •  sloth for sale – NO SLOTHS FOR YOU! There are three additional sloth related search terms as well. I became perplexed and did a search of the site. Then fell back to sleep.
  • Funny Reason To Hire Me – This had a lot of views. Several years ago I wrote a post called Amazingly Compelling Reason To Hire Me. In all humility it is the funniest CV ever produced. What scares me about the number of queries on this one is that some poor schmuck is looking to steal my intellectual property. Albeit 6 year old intellectual property. Swine.
  •  dead christmas tree – When I think twisted humor, mental illness, sobriety, cute kitties, and rare neuro-spinal diseases the first thought is always The Yoyo-Dyne Propulsion Systems’ Dead Christmas Tree Lot and Sloth Farm’
  • fuck my weed and my weed fuck – While I neither endorse nor condone the use of any controlled substance (Try it. What are you? Chicken?) there is no phrase remotely similar to either of these well thought out searches. We do not endorse nor condone the use of expletives either. You weed fucker.
  •  fapping to facebook pictures – Yes it’s true. There is a lengthy comment section on a piece in which I try to explain fapping to some of my favorite readers, mostly in the UK and Australia. Yes. It was in relation to a F**eBook status I’d written that day. Yes. I have no shame.
  • hanukkah santa sorry change the door – Truly, this cannot be explained. Let’s move on shall we?
  •  dumbass ex husband pic – Hahahahaha. Joke’s on them. I have two dumbass ex husbands.
  • sloth un rape – Dear god what is wrong with people? Just saw this one. Sloth.
  •  purple bondage tits – For you long time readers there’s no question why this baby showed up. WP insists on giving YoYo-Dyne the equivalent of an R rating. Someone in the head office likes boobies but won’t share. Sonny wouldn’t Cher either and look what happened to him.
  •  pimped out walkers – These two anonymous Googlers made my dark cold heart swell three sizes today
  • stephen hawking drunk – another twofer! Yep it isn’t enough that the guy is a human autoclave. Let’s give Steve a hangover and let him click-twitch-bang-clackety his way to the fridge for an early morning PBR.
  • mitt romney fuck – This speaks for itself

Here are a couple more just because: homeless whore – two queries using this search term; probably the ex husbands, -peter o’toole and cat, -why germans always loose the war, -draun rag vineo yo yo hane sige, -sex, drugs & wheelchairs, -i feel fantastic

Had the usual 100+ hits for Hanukkah Harry, End of the World stuff, Depressing Playlists, anything and everything Burning Man, and at least twenty regarding Wombies.

I suggest using at least six of these search terms in your next writing endeavor. Obviously these are my people. They can be yours too.

No need to thank me. My job is to be a ray of sunshine in your rain clouded Word program of brain storms.
You’re welcome.

~Miss R 

57 thoughts on “What Your Search Terms Are Saying Behind Your Back

    • Ha! you know, i have yet to find the damned thing either. not to mention the sloths. think they’re under the dead hanukkah bush. we’re a proud atheist-pagan-hebe-any-ritual-that-involves-dead-trees-and-chocolate family. considered adding satan worship last year but those guys never smile. eeeediots!

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  1. I see someone’s been studying there Google Analytics. Addicting, eh? At least the #1 search term on your site ain’t “girl fucks dog.” It is on mine. Sigh.

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    • Val, there’s nothing better than a random check of the site stats. I never remember to look at them. My writing is for myself and the limited but obviously highly intelligent audience who enjoy my absurd rambling. Could never understand writers who check their stats daily, moan about them and give a crap about numbers. Sheesh.

      Am I okay? In all honesty no.
      There has been no improvement in the last two months.
      Stretches and hand weights have helped build up upper body strength though and there is tone to the calves of my still fantabulous legs -grin-. Still have paralysis in the feet, ankles and lower legs.
      Have not heard back from Johns Hopkins regarding a hardship application to attend their TM clinic for a month or so.
      Not going into anymore detail on the physical side and especially about what I feel. People who constantly rail on about physical ailments are dull and eventually begin to piss me off.
      Don’t want to be like that. Know what I mean? Oh hell. Too late.

      Val, you are so kind to ask about the Transverse Myelitis and to think about me. You are not only a talented writer but one of the most empathetic and sweet person I’ve ever met in the blogosphere..
      Hope YOU are hanging in there my friend.
      xo

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        • You betcha Binky. Felt good enough this morning complete the FULL series of exercises and do all the cute little 2 pound hand weight reps too. Ta Da!
          Heard back from Hopkins this morning. The coordinator says I am a perfect candidate for two of their clinical trials, and the rehab unit is amazing. If I get an answer on the financial end I’m there ASAP.
          It’s strictly out-patient but I’ve heard they do have housing available at times. Would need to live in Baltimore for six months to complete one of the trials. Always wanted to visit that city. Need to take a moody picture of myself at Poe’s grave hehehe.

          The threat of a Wombie revolt may just convince them! Thank Fraz and Chirs and Winky for offering to take up arms (and legs).
          If you see Peter please ask him how he is feeling.
          Need to keep an eye on my friends 🙂
          xo
          ~R

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          • That’s great news! I hope you can get the financial help as well. It’s an opportunity that you can’t afford to miss. To be involved with professionals who actually know something about your disease has to be beneficial.

            Little weights may not seem like much, but any progress is far better than losing ground. One small step at a time. Baltimore really likes its Oreos, so it has to be a good place to be. And don’t worry about that other guy. We keep him on his toes.

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    • EG: We are sorry to inform you that your application for Sloth-ness has been rejected. We welcome any further submissions.
      sIgned,
      Sister Mary Slapanasshat.

      p.s. Drooling is the new black. You’ll be a hit at parties and have a potential career ahead as a Basset Hound. Congratulation!

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  2. i love checking the search terms that landed on my blog. a few days ago i had “fellatio spank.” no clue what that means. last week i had “does anal hurt.” love that one, but no idea how it resulted in my blog.

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    • Ha! Yeah that’s what kills me. How did my blog turn up in the search results for this bizarre collection of random queries. The search terms are pretty much the only things I’ll look at. The amusement factor is not to be denied!
      Laughing at ‘does anal hurt.’ appearing on your Dashboard./ wtf?!

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  3. You are surely at your best, or one of your bests, when you’re spunky and fresh. Love this post, Rachael. Funny and witty, clever and snarky. Bravo! How the hell did Mitt Romney Fuck get in there and sloth un rape? Yowza! That said, I did a post on this quite a while ago(http://talesfromthemotherland.me/2012/11/14/the-middle-sniffing-butts-and-michelle-obamas-affair-its-all-here/), and there were some pretty wild search engines. There are some sick fucks out there… as well as some crazy ass people like us. 😉

    SO happy to see you out swinging today! xo

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    • Oh you are SO good to me girlfriend!
      Will check out your referenced post tonight, assuming I’m not asleep by 9:30. Fucking TM fatigue keeps me from keeping up with The Blacklist and American Horror Story.What that is sad, Did I mention I don’t get out much?

      Yep, was literally incapable of even leaving comments on other people’s blogs. Then it hit me like a truck and splattered an idea all over my brain: use a tried and true subject. Ta da!
      Thanks again. Your words always make me smile and send that special feeling of nuttiness flowing through the ole (yet spectacular in it’s own special way) body.

      Here’s to The Crazy! Note: We will not be bringing you the traditional Cabernet toast today due to an allergy -grin-
      xxx
      ~R

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  4. “Sloths for sale” could just be someone with a lisp looking to buy a slot machine 🙂
    My search terms are more boring than yours. But they are scarier, because I keep getting visitors looking for nuclear launch codes.

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      • Why is is that you are so incwedably bwilliant at bwogging Miss. R 😉 🙂 Of course I know the answer already, it is beacuse you are such a talented, creative, naughty, wicked, cool, definitely with class, beauty, purple tits, and a scrumptious young flasher, no sloths, chickens or rampant co… erm let’s stick with the chickens for now 🙂 lmao I love this place Rachael, you’re a star 🙂 😉

        Have a Happy thanksgiving and watch out for any of those rampant cocks, I mean chickens 😦 lol

        Andro xxxx

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        • You ALWAYS make me feel better! Andro, I’ve been absent for a while -brain and body ha!- but seeing your name pop up brought me out of the crypt to say hello and offer a thank you and Happy Spanksgiving back atcha!
          ❤ ❤ ❤

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      • No problem, I have some other treats on offer too,
        just don’t tell anyone or we might lose out on those
        extra naughty ones 😦 Now bend over and take the
        punishment, how do you mean what is it? 🙂 Never
        you mind, cheeky 😉 lmao

        Yes I am sharing out the wine gums as you read 🙂

        Andro xxxx

        Like

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