YoYo-Dyne receives hundreds of thousands of search hits each December from folks spread across the globe. All looking for more information on that icon of Chutzpah, Hanukkah Harry.
Mr. Harry agreed to an interview and we are honored to present you with this historic discussion.
Miss R: Welcome Hanukkah! Can I call you Hanukkah?
HH: Thank you Miss R. It’s a pleasure to be here. For you, Hanukkah is just fine. Hanukkah Harry knows who’s been naughty or nice. Your naughtiness always makes up for your flaw in being only half a Hebe.
Miss R: Oh, thank you Hanukkah. You’re eyeing the tasty treats I’ve made. Care for one?
HH: Ummmm what are they? Almost looks like rugelach.
Miss R: It’s my own creation: Shiksa Cakes. I just used stale white bread to make the pastry and the filling is made with nuts, dates and mayonnaise. All Kosher!
HH: Going to pass on those but I applaud you. Remember the year you left out lobster rolls on the first night? It still saddens me to think that instead of socks I was forced to leave a lump of Plutonium-240.
Miss R: Not to worry Hanukkah, I sold it to a certain country in the Middle East and made a tidy profit.
HH: That’s my girl!
Miss R: Let’s move on to some questions. First, why did you wait until the late 1980’s to reveal yourself?
HH: It seemed the right time. Jon Lovitz approached me and I gave my blessing. What a funny boychik! He pissed me off though and I had to cancel his subscription to Funny B List Actors.
Miss R: What would you buy for yourself to celebrate the holidays?
HH: I’d buy time, and I’d get it wholesale. I like to call it a time off for good behavior deal.
Miss R: Who do you consider the sexiest woman in the world?
HH: That’s an easy one, not that your latkes don’t bring all the boys to the yard. It’s Mrs. Claus of course. Have you seen her lately? Hasn’t aged in a millennium! Got her looks from her father, a plastic surgeon.
Miss R: I see you wear your hair in the traditional Orthodox manner. A lot of our readers want to know why you haven’t kept up with the times.
HH: Are you kidding me? No way can I survive without these curly locks, and bagels.
Miss R: You’ve previously saved Christmas and proved yourself a friend to Goy and Jew alike. Are you still proud of this accomplishment?
HH: Proud? I get verklempt each time someone mentions it. Fred Phelps spontaneously combusting couldn’t please me more.
Miss R: We’re about out of time. From myself and all of the Lectoids here at YoYo-Dyne, here’s to a Happy Hanukkah and Merry Christmas. Any last thoughts?
HH: Miss R I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, and this wasn’t it. Just quote me as saying I was mis-quoted. Zey gezunt!
That’s all for tonight. Join us next week for our exclusive interview with the Baby Jesus.
Was bacon really the contributing factor in establishing his new religion?