Horace and Cornelius

Love local stations. So few left. Even in Northern Nevada, even in our ghost towns.

Gerlach for instance;

    KLAP – 89.5 FM Gerlach

Might hear classical, could be 80’s. jazz, trance, or Tony Bennet. Gerlach has gone from about a 1000 population to almost 35. The only local mine closed.
Last town before you drive the 6 to 10 hour wait that is the 4 mile distance to Black Rock City -Burning Man. Last radio station for hundreds of miles. Best for a thousand. You know, I would walk 500 miles.
Think there a few low watt religious and Mariachi, but they barely come in.

So tonight was Hello Dolly on local TV. The film version.
Let me say now I have seen Carol Channing perform the part. A revival in the late 70’s/early 80’s on Broadway. She’s 91 now. Holy shit. Still looks fab and makes appearances.

Carol Channing is the bomb, She’s the Louvre museum.
Only high point in today’s cinematic weirdnesss is the Hello Dolly sequence. The Diva actually speaks to Louis Armstrong and credits he and his orachastra.
May be classically trained on piano (and the only other thing allowed in our home was light opera) but the bete noire which I hid from the parental units (I’m Jack Benny’s age..19 forever as well) was and is Jazz(forte is Ragtime and stride), 70’s R&B, and punk (The Circle Jerks never heard of them).
The point is (GET TO THE DAMNED POINT!) is that I adore musicals. Grew up with them. Still dig ’em.
Louis Armstrong was one of the best trumpet players and fun vocalists ever. Ah, together is divine.

Been a great damned day. Walked all over, found at least 6 new places of business within a few block radius, including a cheese shop, new pub about to open, juice bar, pastry and espresso place and three clothing stores. The Irish bar that has been a block away on Virginia for 50 years is still there -grin-.

    Midtown Reno

Fuck, thought I lived in the ghetto. Cooler every day…. because I can walk around here!
It was a beautiful day in the neighborhood.

Accomplished nothing. A serene, private, blissful afternoon even with no money except for a $2.00 beer, is damned fine on a hot summer day.
~R

Piracy on the High Seas! And High Desert!

Quick background to the last month. Quick being relative.
The slow one, think that uncle in the attic.

1. Herding 200 cats (the number of campers/members of Spanky’s Wine Bar: Burning Man). I  am the Bar Mistress.  Also known as the Bar Manager; instructor, finder of manly sized men as bouncers when need arises, and keeper of whips, paddles,  flogging instruments, bar backs(poor minions), wine bottle fillers-another post, keeper of spreadsheets for bar supplies, employer/HR for bar, well hell.
At least I don’t have to get topless. But I do.
Here’s a peek at the bar from 4th of Juplaya last year (58,000 people smaller than the Burn)…and look it’s my name in lights. Well, highlighted links at any rate. Yep… I’m (ta da!) Piano Wench

Here is the art installation I’m happy to work with when it burns on Friday- before the March Off (contest of all the marching bands on the playa -trust me there are at least 20 now but our  Burning Band was the first).

Anubis art installation. Fucking Fab

Wanna know HOW much perverse fun I have? Here’s the link to my camp and fine friends at Spanky’s Wine Bar 

2. Yet more back surgery last month. Have no idea if it helped but it hurt like fucking hell. Cried and screamed the entire procedure. Literally. No, Dr. Mengele II would not put me out totally.
On the plus side am having the other side of the spine done after Burning Man in September. Mengele admitted that he didn’t give me enough IV pain killers last time. It’s a Facet Joint Ablution. Basically searing the nerves at the base of my spine…. to inedible bacon. Lots of Percocet. Except I detest taking it. Have plenty of addictions now thank you very much.

Was at said doc’s office this week. Didn’t know but they do random drug tests. Hell, am on opiates per their prescription so can understand.
Office did one at my first visit three months ago. Gee hard to believe but it was clean. This time the nurse handed me two large (as in quirky/funny) purple dice similar to what I used to sell in my game store. Do NOT get me going on polys you gamer dweebs,  and told me to roll them.

Why? -said I
Random drug test, if you roll 3, 6 or 9 you have to be tested -said nurse
Laughed so hard it hurt. Used to be drug tested by Warner Brothers -as an Exec Producer. Told the GM back then that they should GIVE me drugs to improve scripts and shows. But I digress.

Rolled an 8. No pee-in-a-cup fun. Then advised her when they tested me at the next surgery I will have been on the playa for two weeks…. there might be a spike in the THC levels. She cracked up.

3. PIRACY!

So I go to check my bank account online -which ya do- and see that there are a shitload of ATM charges. Pick up the phone. As I’m waiting notice they are all Withdrawals.

Long story longer: My BEST girlfriend for 5 years stole my debit card, credit card (actually my mom’s credit but a card in my name for emergenies) and all of my cash. Plus a $20.00 chit from Silver Legacy. Don’t ask.

Refused to believe it was her -despite other friends telling me it must be due to the area the ATMs were located. Made police report, bank, etc. Finally the bank called and said they had two pics. It was her. My BEST friend. In the first picture you can see her face full on and in the second she must have realized that there may be a camera. She hid her face behind my money and my debit card. GUT PUNCH.

I barely live on disability and cannot make the bills. She knows this, and has always been very generous to me because of it. She’s has made a habit of taking me out to lunch once a week. We had lots of fun.

I loaned her $25.00 via PayPal several weeks ago because she said she had no money for gas or food for her or her 17 year old son. Never got it back. The day I found out about the theft was a wreck. Best friend (ha!) came over . Told me not to worry, don’t bother calling the police, she’d loan me 1K to make it through. Wellllllll never got a loan and I DID contact the police. It’s her.

She knows now that I know it’s her. No arrests have been made so am sure she’s making up fabulous stories. Have a room mate  now. The day she stole all of my cash/savings/rent/etc I had taken her to the bank to deposit my roomie’s half of the monthly bills. She saw me put in my PIN number several times that day. Bank ‘temporarily’ refunded what was taken via debit card -less $55.00 for the  fucking ‘deductible’ because it was a VISA debit?! three days ago-.

Am out nearly $150.00 between their ‘deductible’, the chit and my cash. Good deal. I make less than 1K a month on SSD.

All in all a Fab month kids. In the words of Howard Jones my hero and mentor in the 80’s…


Send hugs, kisses and booze to to the playa (Burning Man). If you send me your address I WILL send you back a postcard from the Burn. There is the Burning Man (Black Rock City) post office, If nothing else you can keep the fucker and sell it on eBay in a few years. Don’t ask me how I know this year will be valuable 😉

~Miss R
aka
Piano Wench
c/o Spanky’s Wine Bar
8:00 and Esplanade
Black Rock City, NV
89412

I Rarely Leave The House…but When I Do

Been pretty quiet here recently, and have not commented on many blogs. Been busy herding 200+ cats. Which is nothing compared to what Admiral Painjoy has to accomplish. Painjoy being our Fearless Leader at Spanky’s Wine Bar at Burning Man.

Not that my weekends in Fallon (or as we call it here Falla-bama), data entry, checking up on dues, re-bolting dangerous rides, painting, etc etc  is an amusement park ride. Well, maybe if the coaster car went off the rails. Hmmmm off the rails….

So, I went out to lunch with my bestie on the 1st. She bought lunch, took me to our favorite dive bar afterwards, then the fab Mexican market, finally back to my house.

Then…. We decided to walk a block and a half to a wonderful (and pretty damned upscale) Irish pub call Ceol.

My wallet was pilfered there…. And returned to my purse. Did not even know until the 3rd when I checked my online bank account; wanted to see how much was taken out as they have overpaid me for two months by $100.00

Imagine my surprise (SUPPLIES!) to see the account cleaned out. Completely. Starting with a Burger King debit (fucking cheap-asses) then moving on to several different bank ATMs in Sparks.
Total theft: about $850.00… just about what I make in a month.

Now, I rarely do leave the house. There’s a reason the government pays me not to interact with other humans. The thieving part all took place in the town over (You know you live in Hell because you can see Sparks), Where I have been maybe 3x in 8 years. Yeah, I get around. Party on Garth.

Bank investigation did not begin until today. Apparently the financial institution of choice has no fraud employee hours over the weekend. When most people go out. Convenient eh?

My bestie spoke to her friend in the Reno DA’s office, during our lunch. Was told to not even bother filing a report; as it was under 1000.00 they probably would not even follow up. Niiiiice.

Filed a report today anyway. Online. Reno PD doesn’t have time to actually speak with you. Move along citizen.

Sent Ceol’s owners an email today demanding the bartender/server’s name for the date and times we were there. Had to be a customer or bartender or both to get my PIN.

On the bright side Michael Phelps can wrap another ribbon ‘round the old oak bong…

Yours in the 5th Circle,
~Miss R
-Certified Genius. Certified Dingbat. Certifiable.-

Addendum: Wrote three hysterical (no. really) radio ads for our camp and recorded them for BMIR -the Burning Man radio station. Population at Black Rock City/Burning Man (3rd largest city in Nevada for one week a year) is 60,000 beings this year.

Will post them as soon as I can find the correct embed code for the format. Derp.

Where the fuck have you been?

Missed you all! Missed seeing myself in print too. Okay maybe not. The self-centeredness that consumed me is long gone. When I sleep.
Your Trusty Reno Writer always puts far too much on her plate. Sometimes really great friends and life itself add extra servings.

You got yer bi-monthly trips to Fallon, NV to work up sweat, get covered in safety-red paint, destroy fingernails, avoid horseshit, flies, Dalmatians, lizards, brown recluse spiders and acres of lung-loving dust. It’s always laugh as hard as you toil too. This describes our Work-Parties prior to Burning Man and 4th of Juplaya. Add recovery from the back surgery, a soothing girls-only weekend to Calistoga and Napa Valley wine country, then a dash of parenting, typical familial tribulations and a few naughty bits. Not even close to enough naughty bits.
Life is busy! The body is mangled and the pain pills are being toned down; it’s healing. The heart is a boomerang, my Spanky’s Wine Bar (our infamous Burning Man theme camp) family loves me. Might be homeless by summer’s end. So much to worry about but so much more to grin about.
Life is also a wreck! Am one of the lucky ones to walk away with a smile after the crash though.

Work Party at Skunkworks

Christopher Robbin, Sir Wheezy and Piano Wench aka Miss R. Work-Party at Skunkworks in Fallon, Nv

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Demon Seed (my daughter) moi, Sir Wheezy. Working on the Teeter Totter of Death

4th Of Juplaya Pics

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This pilot has flown into Burning Man and 4th of Juplaya for years. This time he landed within 20 yards of our camp. FAB peeps.
Screw the FAA when it comes to the playa.

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4th of Juplaya
Playa

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It’s a Sloth!

Missed all of you talented writers. Have been reading your posts but no time for replies. Throwing off the shroud of sloth now.

Apologies. Missed all of you.

~Miss R

Where the HELL have you been?

Dear John,
Oh hell. Wrong document.

Dear Readers,
yours truly has been busy out of town every weekend; drinking the kool-aid flavored arsenic water, digging up sagebrush, painting , burning her lily-white Irish-Hebraic skin and this weekend another ‘work party’ for Spanky’s Wine Bar.

spanky's wine bar work party

Christopher Robin, Sir Wheezy and Piano Wench (yeppers me)

Too exhausted to read anything over the past month, which by extension means too exhausted to write. Hell, my assignment yesterday (out at Skunkworks) was to ‘be funny.’

True story. Was given the task of writing a ‘Burma Shave’ type series of signs. If you don’t know what the hell I’m talking about then get the hell off of my lawn ‘ya damned kids.

Okay I’m pretty fucking funny. Ask any of the ex-husbands.No wait, ask the damned attorneys who have the cash, Anyway, amusing on command? Takes actual work. Have to say I was one of the two people delegated work inside the house. As opposed to outside in the 105F+ heat (yes really) working construction, painting, the usual pre-Burn manual labor.

Mercifully Lucky Bastard, who had a graphic to create, and yours truly, were privy to cold tasty malty beverages. Next to the swamp cooler. The Ha Factor rose exponentially for both of us after the keg was opened. Wait. Of soda. Yes. Giant metal container full of soda.

HALF of the Teeter Totter of Death: Demon Seed, Piano Wench Sir Wheezy

Would pass along a few of my better sign posts but it’s top secret. If you didn’t get the Skunkworks reference then you’re already lost. Happen to be out at Burning Man you may notice them out and about though within a mile of Spanky’s.

What the hell was this person thinking?
You call this funny?
You may remember.
It’s the wench from YoYo-Dyne
Burma Shave.

(Trust me my camp ones ARE funny. Pinkie swear)

Burning Man spanky's work party

Prison shower: Mayor Joey behind bars and Brett painting him into a corner

That’s it for now, and probably for a while. Still looking for the perfect free piano to haul into the desert come August. A piano player gotta play…. Tired of just the marching band, even though I’ll be doing that too.  Making costumes, hanging out with my fab daughter when we can, and seeing my very best friends during the dirt/no shower/lack of water/work parties. Being funny on demand too goddamit.

Big news tomorrow! New back pain management doc. Needle stuck into a nerve at the base of my spine. No sedation. If it works, I’ll get one more after this THEN the sedation and he’ll burn off the nerve endings. Good Times!

Kids, it never fucking ends.
Best Wishes to all. Remember: Keep the razor blades sharpened and the Hefty bags stocked.

~Miss R

BLOGOCIDE!

Yep you read it here first.

Everything is gone for the last 3 weeks. Deleted. With such pain.

Yeppers. Even the PCH chances with Zombie Ed McMahon. You know I’m serious about cleaning out inbox stress when the retirement plan goes out the window. You think I’m kidding? Ha.

Show Me The Money Zombie Bitch

Tony is taking time off for a screenplay (know it’s about all of us –looks about furtively-). EG is skydiving naked on a bar (whoa! Big-ass parachute), Don is in litigation with some asshat who posted an open pic, Bearman is cartooning all of us, Michelle and Michelle are kicking asses and taking names; politically and personally. Red is chasing them down and nailing their asses to the literal floor, Hotspur is fucking with his outside  and inside life, Androgoth is being his wicked-ass self.

Rants has been deployed to Afghanistan.. again -send good thoughts!- and Loon is keeping us up to date from down under. Not to mention the fun from the Wombies in OZ… oh it goes on and I miss it.  Miss you all.

Got to say though: Shenanigans. Do over.

Almost Burn time for Miss R, and busy is the new sloth.

See you all soon!

welcome to fabulous black rock City

 ~Miss R

K is for Kinky

What else did you expect from me? Especially since I screwed you on F.

This is a collage of pics. Some home, some from my beloved Burning Man camp, some my fave classics. Enjoy.

Oh, if it doesn’t look kinky in the photo be assured it did lead to something K after the pic was taken…..

Also… these are SFW El Guapo

Here’s a tune by a favorite band of mine to listen to while browsing. What else but The New Pornographers

Bettie Page

One of my my fave Page photos. Own a Klaw original Polaroid of Miss Page.

Critical Tits 2008

Ah yes. Moi Riding in Critical Tits at Burning Man 2009

Another day at Spanky's Wine Bar

Just another minute at Spanky's Wine Bar

Bettie Page corset

More Bettie. Dear god you're a Helen Keller grad if you can't find the beauty in Bettie

Another fine Spanker at 4th of Juplaya

Am sure you were all hoping for some real kink. This is a family site. Despite  WP continuing to mark my site as ‘Mature.’

Honestly kids… have you ever seen me ever post anything but immature?

~Miss R