Good-Bye Mister Hawking

Goodbye Mister Hawking. Sorry that you never got my letter. 

When the news of your death hit the InterWires, I cried. Sure we’d joked about those races up and down Virginia Avenue. Loser hahaha. Faced with my Diet Coke and Menthos powered chair you stood no chance! Maybe you shouldn’t have spent so much time on that fusion engine ya know?. *  During those hours of build time you once told me to look at the stars, not at my feet. It was so easy! I hadn’t seen my feet for 20 years. But seriously Steve…

Hawking cover

Most folks are already aware of your brilliance in helping to explain the universe the stars and our planet. Extracting the mysteries of the galaxies. There’s much more though.

You were a vocal advocate for the disabled.  Maybe vocal isn’t the right clickity clackity word. Ratting out the NHS. Several years back Professor Hawking stated that without his wealth and fame, he’d be dead already. There’s currently a year waiting list for a wheelchair. You go Britain. Right up there with the U.S.

For the first time a beam was shone on physics, science and all things space oriented. A Brief History of Time was amazing. Have an admission though Steve: it took two tries to read the book through. It was worth every stutter and stammer. Nothing personal.
Just like a real friend you began by leading me to many more authors. From there to new ideas and places. I haven’t stopped.

Why did you leave with no goodbye? What the hell brainiac dude? Thought there was plenty of time to write a letter to you.

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Professor Hawking, you were hysterical and serious by turns. Your dry humor, obvious intelligence, and ofttimes snarky wit confidently hid an unimaginable emotional pain.  Fun to watch the pundits filled with greed and political agendas attempting to stutter back. Your Humanist comments reflect the best in logic and peace. You never did hide behind your computer.

A mind filled with curiosity, yet insight combined with knowledge of a short life.  Mister Hawking, you didn’t miss this new age of exploration and scientific discovery beginning. Space flight for citizens is possible! Richard Branson offered you a free ticket! Dammit I could have been your plus one.

Good-bye Mr. Hawking and thank you.

Your Pal,

Rachael B.

 

Three Favorite Stephen Hawking Quotes

  • Remember to look up at the stars and not down at your feet. Try to make sense of what you see and wonder about what makes the universe exist. Be curious. And however difficult life may seem, there is always something you can do and succeed at. It matters that you don’t just give up
  • I believe alien life is quite common in the universe, although intelligent life is less so. Some say it has yet to appear on planet Earth.
  • The thing about smart people is that they seem like crazy people to dumb people

 

 

 

 

A Poem In the Key of Depression

crows in rain LG

I can beat anything. Conquer anything
From intellectual pursuits to stupid bar jokes
From Music to Skiing
It’s a proven fact and my humility is obvious as you can see

Sitting on the bed
Looking at the damned walker
Thinking of the fall last week that
I told no one about. No more hospitals

Knocked me out cold and caused a concussion
Followed by the first migraine ever
Followed the next day by
Electrical shocks all through my body and numbness

Fuck you body! Fuck you disease!

The truth is kicking my ass
Trying to wrap my broken brain around something
Walking again might not happen at a 30% chance
No dancing no man to love my life a nauseating carnival ride

During the third week in the hospital
Psychosis and hallucinations had stopped
Idiot physicians had jacked me full of steroids and was allergic
Read the records last week they note Explosive Personality

Well when I was drinking and in a black-out it was true
As I read through the charts I laughed
Laughter tinged with grim thoughts
There were no notes on a previous steroid reaction

One night I wandered out to the nurse’s station
And asked for a Cabernet and a Cigarette
Don’t Drink Don’t Smoke What do You Do?
Thought I was on a spaceship. With a bar. It’s so me.

My boyfriend of three years came to visit the third week
After the cognitive functions returned
He admitted after diligent questioning and lies
He had been with another for months. My heart, will and soul crushed then.

So I looked at those paralyzed legs that day
Sitting on the hospital bed going on three weeks
Looking at that damned wheelchair
Knowing he had been cheating on me, why he had not visited but twice and quickly

The number one cause of death from TM
Is Suicide.
Not failure of the liver or respiratory system or falls
Those are the silver, bronze and runner ups

Mom calls every day
She drives from California every two weeks
She does the laundry, prepares food for the freezer
Cleans the house and brings me Fresca which is nice

No longer can I cook, clean or hold anything for long
Taking a shower is a bitch. On a chair. Like a geriatric
Please wash my hair I’m so lonely and it hurts
Feel a burden and pathetic whiner to express these words to anyone

These are my thoughts after almost three months
Working hard each day with PT exercises
Trying to take a few steps no concussion please
Never able to get on my tippy toes again

Fuck you body! Fuck you disease!

Mom called last night and asked how I was
Told her about the anger the shocks, numbness the embarrassment of the steroid reaction
The worthless neurologist with no prognosis and no advice
Exhaustion of the body soul and nerve function and tear ducts

So Mom said Be Glad you were diagnosed so quickly
So what if that steroid caused the staff to treat you as a scary diagnosed psychotic
Your boyfriend was an abusive piece of shit. There is progress. There is no longer a wheelchair
You almost lost your life

And I answered
What Life?

Fuckin’ A Friday!

so kinky wrong greeting card

As Friday Foolishness has been usurped by El Guapo, and Friday Follies™ by Red, we here at YoYo-Dyne present: Fucking A Fridays! As this blog will never see the light of the Freshly Pressed page (some wargarble regarding  inappropriate language) this seemed the only possible title available.

As your Bi-Polar and Bi-Coastal host it’s a toss-up to see if this weekly posting can be kept alive. Or, at least zombified. This column is dedicated to Miss R’s Weekly Weirdest/Most Disturbing/Funniest/Offensive/Musical Best of the Interwebs.  The list is limited to graphics and videos viewed during the preceding week.

WARNING: All have the potential to amuse, amaze, agitate, alliterate (didn’t see that coming did you), nauseate, masturbate or Sharon Tate. No Refunds. All Rice Must be consumed with Nigiri orders. You Must Be This Tall To Ride. One Coupon Per Table.

Okay Roll ‘em!

Mr_Noodle

Hell On Heels –Poppin’ Pills

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Below is a shiny video courtesy of Mr. Autin from his homage to El Guapo

die alone

shit glitter

homeless warehouse whore

Hope you’ve enjoyed this inspirational quote to begin your weekend. Until next time…
~Miss R

Twinkie Twinkie Little Star

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Whew! Luckily I was able to actually try a deep fried Twinkie in Las Vegas a few years ago. In case you were wondering it was close to inedible. Ugh. Fry-O-Lator oil directly from Fremont Street. One of those things you have to try though… sort of like the dare of tasting haggis. ‘Cause you can can can.

Still, with Hostess shutting their doors I feel like Woody Harrelson in Zombieland. 

Ah, another tiny death of childhood. Just a note: There are no longer ANY Twinkies still on the shelves here in Reno, nor Hostess cupcakes, Devil Dogs or Snowballs. Hope that Twinkies really do last forever. I can already envision these being stored in a cellar next to the fine wines and Dom Perignon.

 

~Miss R

I Rarely Leave The House…but When I Do

Been pretty quiet here recently, and have not commented on many blogs. Been busy herding 200+ cats. Which is nothing compared to what Admiral Painjoy has to accomplish. Painjoy being our Fearless Leader at Spanky’s Wine Bar at Burning Man.

Not that my weekends in Fallon (or as we call it here Falla-bama), data entry, checking up on dues, re-bolting dangerous rides, painting, etc etc  is an amusement park ride. Well, maybe if the coaster car went off the rails. Hmmmm off the rails….

So, I went out to lunch with my bestie on the 1st. She bought lunch, took me to our favorite dive bar afterwards, then the fab Mexican market, finally back to my house.

Then…. We decided to walk a block and a half to a wonderful (and pretty damned upscale) Irish pub call Ceol.

My wallet was pilfered there…. And returned to my purse. Did not even know until the 3rd when I checked my online bank account; wanted to see how much was taken out as they have overpaid me for two months by $100.00

Imagine my surprise (SUPPLIES!) to see the account cleaned out. Completely. Starting with a Burger King debit (fucking cheap-asses) then moving on to several different bank ATMs in Sparks.
Total theft: about $850.00… just about what I make in a month.

Now, I rarely do leave the house. There’s a reason the government pays me not to interact with other humans. The thieving part all took place in the town over (You know you live in Hell because you can see Sparks), Where I have been maybe 3x in 8 years. Yeah, I get around. Party on Garth.

Bank investigation did not begin until today. Apparently the financial institution of choice has no fraud employee hours over the weekend. When most people go out. Convenient eh?

My bestie spoke to her friend in the Reno DA’s office, during our lunch. Was told to not even bother filing a report; as it was under 1000.00 they probably would not even follow up. Niiiiice.

Filed a report today anyway. Online. Reno PD doesn’t have time to actually speak with you. Move along citizen.

Sent Ceol’s owners an email today demanding the bartender/server’s name for the date and times we were there. Had to be a customer or bartender or both to get my PIN.

On the bright side Michael Phelps can wrap another ribbon ‘round the old oak bong…

Yours in the 5th Circle,
~Miss R
-Certified Genius. Certified Dingbat. Certifiable.-

Addendum: Wrote three hysterical (no. really) radio ads for our camp and recorded them for BMIR -the Burning Man radio station. Population at Black Rock City/Burning Man (3rd largest city in Nevada for one week a year) is 60,000 beings this year.

Will post them as soon as I can find the correct embed code for the format. Derp.

Nerve Blocks and Other Fun Shit

marty feldman young frankenstein

Home from another visit to Dr Mengele. Note: not his real name.

His specialty is pain management which makes the mind wander to ‘why does every patient exiting the procedure suites appear worse than when they left the waiting room?’

Although I stayed at a Holiday Inn Suites six years ago I am not a doctor. Who am I to question such things?

Laying prone on the surgical table, panties pulled down, in a quite ignoble way,  to reveal my lower back and top of  a lily-white flat Irish-Hebraic ass he commenced sticking six shots of white hot Lidocaine into my lower back. To numb it.  What the fuck indeed.

Thankfully heeded mom’s advice and wore a pair of ‘wares with no holes or fading.

After said joy, the real fun commenced with the really long fucking scary needle. To probe the nerves. Playfully called a Paraspinal Facet Joint and Nerve Root Injection Block Test. When the real block is done the same procedure will be performed, but with IV sedation and the nerves will actually be burned off with a laser.

Damn, get to the point.
Okay, so I’m stretched out mumbling obscenities between gasps of pain and Mengele says ‘Hmmm seems as though you have a lot of pain up near where the scoliosis is prominent.’

‘Oh you must  have gotten the films back from the neurosurgeon’ I said.  He replied “No, look at the monitor’. So I did. Wow.

Doc says ‘Yeah, quite a spine curvature there.’
In a totally straight voice I stated…….‘What hump?’

He laughed so hard that the entire operation had to be halted for a minute.

Best fucking grin I’ve had in a week.

Be Well,

~Miss R

BLOGOCIDE!

Yep you read it here first.

Everything is gone for the last 3 weeks. Deleted. With such pain.

Yeppers. Even the PCH chances with Zombie Ed McMahon. You know I’m serious about cleaning out inbox stress when the retirement plan goes out the window. You think I’m kidding? Ha.

Show Me The Money Zombie Bitch

Tony is taking time off for a screenplay (know it’s about all of us –looks about furtively-). EG is skydiving naked on a bar (whoa! Big-ass parachute), Don is in litigation with some asshat who posted an open pic, Bearman is cartooning all of us, Michelle and Michelle are kicking asses and taking names; politically and personally. Red is chasing them down and nailing their asses to the literal floor, Hotspur is fucking with his outside  and inside life, Androgoth is being his wicked-ass self.

Rants has been deployed to Afghanistan.. again -send good thoughts!- and Loon is keeping us up to date from down under. Not to mention the fun from the Wombies in OZ… oh it goes on and I miss it.  Miss you all.

Got to say though: Shenanigans. Do over.

Almost Burn time for Miss R, and busy is the new sloth.

See you all soon!

welcome to fabulous black rock City

 ~Miss R