Home from another visit to Dr Mengele. Note: not his real name.
His specialty is pain management which makes the mind wander to ‘why does every patient exiting the procedure suites appear worse than when they left the waiting room?’
Although I stayed at a Holiday Inn Suites six years ago I am not a doctor. Who am I to question such things?
Laying prone on the surgical table, panties pulled down, in a quite ignoble way, to reveal my lower back and top of a lily-white flat Irish-Hebraic ass he commenced sticking six shots of white hot Lidocaine into my lower back. To numb it. What the fuck indeed.
Thankfully heeded mom’s advice and wore a pair of ‘wares with no holes or fading.
After said joy, the real fun commenced with the really long fucking scary needle. To probe the nerves. Playfully called a Paraspinal Facet Joint and Nerve Root Injection Block Test. When the real block is done the same procedure will be performed, but with IV sedation and the nerves will actually be burned off with a laser.
Damn, get to the point.
Okay, so I’m stretched out mumbling obscenities between gasps of pain and Mengele says ‘Hmmm seems as though you have a lot of pain up near where the scoliosis is prominent.’
‘Oh you must have gotten the films back from the neurosurgeon’ I said. He replied “No, look at the monitor’. So I did. Wow.
Doc says ‘Yeah, quite a spine curvature there.’
In a totally straight voice I stated…….‘What hump?’
He laughed so hard that the entire operation had to be halted for a minute.
Best fucking grin I’ve had in a week.